Cynthia's Journey

In the arms of Jesus

2011-07-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

After a journey fought with passion and grace, Cynthia has arrived in the loving arms of Jesus. She passed,as she lived, surrounded by her family and friends on Thursday morning.

Cynthia wanted for all of her family and friends to gather to celebrate her life and the influence that she had on every person that she met. Information for the celebration is below:

Monday July 25th, 2011

11AM - 12PM ~ Visitation and share stories

12PM - 1PM ~ Memorial service

Luncheon to follow

The Rock of Southwest Church

10393 W. Alamo Place

Littleton, Colorado 80127

Google Maps Hyperlink:

http://maps.google.com/maps?daddr=10393+West+Alamo+Place,+Littleton,+CO+80127-2002&hl=en&cid=0,0,13013622230095541888&fb=1&gl=us&geocode=17684064813999068537,39.613453,-105.115617&z=16

Truley a debbie downer..

2011-06-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I finely met with the doctors over at University to get everything rolling. The doctor said there at least 30 clinical trials to choose from and since I am still having some diarrhea he wanted to look at some others. Then my blood work came back.......it is showing liver dysfunction and because all of these trials need to be metabolized by the liver, I can not do any of the them but one. That one did not sound entirely promising. I will start this in 2 weeks and we will just have to pray alittle harder. In the meen time I am going to lay down and close my eyes and rest.

Crap!

2011-05-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

It had been a very long week.....or two......or 72.....But who's counting? Let's just focus on the last two or so. Last Monday on the 16 I started to feel funny, just not right. Know what I mean? So I called my onc and explained to them all my weird symptoms. My legs were swelling up to my knees, stomache completely bloated (I looked like I was six months prego) and a sharp pain in the middle of my sternum with deep breathes. Never mind the fact that I was pooping water out of my.....ok, tmi. They went ahead and bumped my scan up a week to Wednesday the 18th. That was fun. I worked, went for blood work somewhere in there and had my contrast hand delivered to me to start drinking. They all rock! My lab work came back on Thursday as normal but my swelling and diarrhea was getting far worse. I called on Monday and asked them to just call me about my CT results. You should have seen my knees! They were ginormous! Mind you I was working a ten hour shift this day so requesting CT results over the phone was NOT the brightest move on my part. What a doober! Three o'clock I find out all my cancer is not only growing but spreading more to lymph nodes in my abdomen....hence the #^*&!#$ swelling. It is now all the way up to my belly button! Arg!
So, I have stopped my chemotherapy and am now on a four week dry period before I can start any clinical trials. Basically they want all chemo out of your system so they know that the only thing they are studying is the drug that is being used. Symptoms that go along with all of this? Well, diarrhea of course! And nausea, vomiting, fatigue and rash. Rash? You have got to be kidding me! That is pretty damn funny. Who would like to by me my first supply of depends.....are there any Halloween stores open this time of year?
I do have some fun things planned with the kids before the chaos begins and I am looking forward to this! My girls are my shining hope and my God is my strength. Continue your prayers....I definitely need them and I can honestly say I am afraid. Love out to you all!

Oh the joy of it all!

2011-05-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

You see, I haven't blogged for a while with good reason. Life throws you curve balls and I have been thrown a few curve balls in the past month or so. I have had a really difficult time learning to deal with these curve balls in order to make just the right decision that is required after the curve ball has been thrown. A good friend of mine did say to me that I better get ready to catch them......or duck really fast. I feel like when I duck I get clobbered in the head and when I catch them....they sting like a you know what. So, I am blogging instead. writing seems to be one of the main tasks I can do that help me process my crazy life.
One of those curve balls I am not quite ready to talk about. Too many emotions and too many people are already being impacted by it in so many ways. For this, though, I am really reaching out to you all for as many prayers as possible to give me strength and grace to face, understand and even to find some realm of forgiveness for. My life has been altered in such a way....I don't wish it on anyone. And I most certainly don't believe I deserve at this juncture. Strength and grace.....
Curve ball number two. I met with the doctors over at Anschutz for clinical trial consultation. I was so impressed by both of these doctors! They gave me so much time to go over everything from November 2009 till now. Two and a half hours....wow! Who would have thought? Towards the end of the meeting was when we went into other possible conventional treatment that they wanted to do before the first clinical trial. They suggested Erbitux and Irinotican combined for IV infusion every two weeks (if I can handle the symptoms) or every three weeks. I said no. Wait! I actually lifted my hand up, and said no way, go ahead and put that in your back pocket! Both doctors kind of tilted their heads in a questioning manner, so I explained to them that there is something very healing about quality of life and that I truly believed that this particular combo would kill me. So, they gave me a consent packet (book) for the first clinical trial they want to put me on. I will read it and get it back to them but I wanted to finish off one more round of this chemo. We all agreed. If I need to go to this treatment, I will have a four week chemo break after this next CT and then start it in the end of June. Caught that one for Sure!
I have been back to work officially part time now for a month. Although it has been amazing to be back in the groove and caring for patients again, it is also extremely exhausting to my body. I am lacking in normal muscle mass and at times feel like a winy little putz around there. I am not sure if my co-workers have noticed this yet, (they will now) I have a lot of trouble lifting the linen bags out of the holders. I look at them as thousand pound boulders! I can wrap my fingers around my biceps....what the heck??! I can push a bed or cart with a patient just fine, but when the carts need to be cleaned.....I struggle get the dumb reclining back down. How dumb is that? Otherwise, my patients have been fun and my friends at work are adorable!
That's all folks! I have to get up early to start the daily grind.....kids, school drop of, work, CT, dinner, homework and.....BED! All in a lovely day of Cyn-bad! More to come very soon....especially about my trip to Arizona! Ahhhh the pool! Blessings to you all!

Still fighting

2011-04-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

This is probably the longest I have gone without blogging. Sorry guys! I guess the most important thing you want to know is the results on my CT scan. Well, that's gonna have to wait! Lets see. I have been working a bit more. that has been really nice. It is always good to feel productive. I've been really busy hanging with my girls. That is always fun! The other day it was nice enough out that we were able to go to the barn and visit the horses. We brought a bag of carrots with us and made our rounds. I felt like every horse I went by, reached out his head to me in a sort of hug. Can horses hug? These can. We then went to see Gnomio and Juliet. Very cute movie. Much cuter than I expected that is for sure!
Today I am pretty tired. For good reason I suppose. Monday was cat scan day and then lunch with one of my fellow cancer survivors. Tuesday, I went to work.Wednesday I had chemo, which was supposed to start at 10:45 but was bumped to 1:00pm that morning. I had to drop off my car to have it serviced, picked it up after chemo and went straight to my Bible study. Thursday I went to work and then Friday the kids had their testing at school and then we ran around and enjoyed the day. So, today, I am tired. I did manage to take the kids to the ridge to swim and then to Aunt Anna's to wrap up polish roses. I will be going to bed as soon as the Easter Bunny makes her appearance.
So, about my CT scan. My doctor says that my liver tumor is "perfectly stable", there is no new growth anywhere, although a few of my lung spots grew maybe a millimeter in size. Can we get a hip hip hurray?!!! We are continuing the same chemo, sending off a chunk of my liver biopsy to have it tested for another specific chemo treatment and he has referred me out to another oncologist at the University to discuss clinical trials. That is the plan. Except for being tired today, I have felt really great! My side effects are minimal, sleeping pretty good and eating great! What more can you ask for? God bless you all!

quick up date

2011-04-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a great spring break! We really did! I took the kids to Glennwood Springs and hung out with friends, enjoyed girl time and some quiet time as well. We had one day where the weather broke, so we took the kids up the tram to the caverns. While we were up there, we did some rock climbing (yes, me too), watched 4D movies, cave tour and the alpine slide. I was like a kid of all kids. Every time we got back to the top of the slide I would ask Mrs. Houston if I could do it again. I would take turns taking the kids down. The goal was to make it down to the bottom without touching the breaks. It was awesome! I laughed so hard I was crying and the girls squealed, "Mrs. Curro! You are crazy!" I came home physically exhausted but emotionally rested. The rest of the week we filled with simple outings, pottery painting, sleep overs and movies. Chemo on Thursday went smooth as silk and I feel GREAT! I have been having severe night sweats (2-3 an night), fevers, gas and uncontrollable diarrhea for weeks now. Good news is, I haven't had any of that since Saturday! What a miracle......they do come in all kinds of packaging! More later....love out to you all!

quick update...

2011-03-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

I have about 15 minutes to post this blog. It has been a long time since I blogged and I know many of you worry when it goes too long. I am grateful for this. First of all, my trip to Indianapolis was too fast. I met my sisters friends, ate good food and watched some great soccer games! I had an amazing time and it was all too short. Pat McGroin is as funny in person as he is on the blog and Christa's passe of girls are as sweet as ever! I can't wait to see you all again so when I have some dates set for the summer...save them!
I came home very tired yet content with my mini vacation. Spent some time getting rest, caught up around the house and taking care of major GI issues. I believe I have gotten this under control with meds, probiotics and dietary changes.
This past week has been pretty rough. I am emotionally exhausted and drained. I am actually leaving today to go to Glenwood Springs for a mental vacation from all the stress. I will be spending time with friends, playing with the kids and getting some quiet time to reflect and pray for guidance. Life is complicated enough....throw in cancer and family dynamics....you have a pitiful Farside. Keep us all in your prayers and lots of love out to you all!

cat scans in!

2011-03-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

I know I needed to do this much sooner, but to sit down to a computer much less sit down at all has been hard for me today! I got my results from my lovely cat scan yesterday and was very pleased to hear my news. It basically showed that in the past eight weeks my tumors have not grown, changed, moved, spread.......nothing! My CEA's went up a bit, hopefully showing cell lysis (death) specifically from the tumor. I know we would all love to hear that there has been shrinkage and tumor death all over.....but let's recap. We haven't really heard any good news since August! So, yes! I am enjoying this news quite a bit! I suffered from quite a bit of diarrhea threw the last round of treatment and assume that this next one will cause the same if not worse forcing me into adult depends to leave the house. So, there is a new drug added to the others called Octreotide. This medication needs to be given by injection into whatever fat pocket I can find......this should be a fun treasure hunt! And the answer (regarding anything about this medication!) I could get from the pharmacist was a hearty, "I don't know. You are the first person I have ever had to order it for." Shouldn't I get my money back for that? Oh! And the years of education that went into that guy!
Well, I have to say one thing clear. I have realized that when people ask how I am feeling, it is not always regarding my physical state. I guess I don't think about my mental state much until I feel the emotions swell in me. So, honestly, yesterday I felt I was drowning in dread before I went to see my onc and after a trusty xanex and a great cup of tea I was able to mellow my anxiety. I am certain that the multitude of prayers helped as well! I am so grateful for these and all the well wishes and concerned calls. The weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend so get out and enjoy it! I will be in Indiana for a quick visit with sister, niece, mom and Richy. I will have the opportunity to meet all the friends that have lifted my sister during the past 15 months. Oh! And YES jealous girls! I will finally meet Pat Mcgroin! No, you can not fit into my suitcase. Hee! Hee! Hee! Love you all!

Wow! that's it, wow!

2011-03-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if I will be able to word this well with so many emotions wrapped up in it. Multiple women, some being long time friends and some I met for the first time, came together to create the most amazing fund raiser for myself and my family. I can not tell you what was raised last night since I have not been privy to that information until it is all done, but I can tell you that even if no monetary funds were raised, my spirits sure were! I am amazed everyday by the outpouring of love I continue to received. I arrived at the fundraiser and quickly notice how full the parking lot was. It took my breathe away and forced me to remain in my car till I could regain full control of my emotions. When I walked in, I was overtaken by awe when I realized how much work went into this and it was all accomplished in less than three weeks!
Tomorrow I will receive news on my cat scan and the decision will be made on whether or not I will continue with this current treatment. Unfortunately, after much research, I have come to the harsh realization that we are nearing the end of chemotherapy treatments. If this one is not showing improvements (which I can not imagine that it would not!) I will be discussing alternative treatment. Whether it is immunotherapy, macro beads, proton therapy or vaccine treatment, I don't know. What I do know is all of these require travel and can be very expensive becoming a financial burden on my family. My point is, the fund raiser couldn't have come at a better time!
Let's all regroup for a second. Everyone continues to ask me how I am feeling followed by a "really". Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, my energy is not what it was 15 months ago, and if I am not barfing all my hard earned nutrition out, I am having constant daily diarrhea. I know, way too much information! I have tried to protect ya'll from this......cats out. Besides all that garbage, I feel really good! I do not feel like I have cancer in my lungs at all and the tumor must be positioned just perfect not to be pushing on my liver capsule, which would cause a great deal of pain. These two things alone are God! I am uplifted everyday by friends and family and filled with joy by all the love I have felt. Unless I am actively pooping or barfing......I am not going to complain. Now I have to go. Bailey (my lovely dog) just barfed three times and I have to clean it up. Can we say, "Ewww!" Love out to you all!

Very happy birthday to me!

2011-03-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you? February 28th is my birthday and I turned 39.......a young 39 just so you know. This February of 2011 was theeee best birthday month of my life! I feel like I got to celebrate all month long. It started out with a spa night with a massage that my girls from my small group put together. Lunch with close girlfriends. Then my husband took me out to the Chop House for an amazing dinner! My twin came into town so we could celebrate together. We met up with 21 super cool friends at the Chop House for appetizers and drinks and then took over the last open section at Sing Sing to dance the night away. Nothing better than getting on stage and dancing the hokey poky....shaking your booty for the crowd. Only....I don't have a booty anymore! We had such a great time. The next day we took the kids to White Fence Farm and pigged out on fried chicken. All is good! I even put on 3 pounds over that weekend! On Monday, Christa and I went to get pedicures, have lunch at Tai bistro, and go see the Kings Speech. If you haven't seen it yet, go! I am telling you, this has been the best birthday of my life! God even surprised me with spring like weather so I could get outside. That warm Colorado sun is some good medicine! Something we all need. I enjoyed some time at Clement park and Red Rocks. Both very beautiful days!
I have continued taking my xeloda (chemo pills) and dealing with, ummmm, really fun side effects from that. I had my cat scan on Thursday morning and will find out the results of that on Wednesday. Other than that, I don't have much to tell. I feel good, my appetite is back up and my energy seems back to the new norm too. Honestly, I just took a much needed cancer vacation. It can be easy when you don't feel a queen and her passe hanging out in my liver and lungs. I think they are gone. There! Hope you all get a chance to take a mini vacation from your own harsh realities of life.....it is very therapeutic! Love you all!

Oh Boy!

2011-02-24T23:24:00.000-08:00

After a jam packed morning with Bible study and a nice impromptu birthday lunch, I came home to take a nap. I wasn't truly quite tired but I wanted to rest before my birthday dinner with my husband. I walked into my house and about fell over. "No, no, no, no! This is not happening!" I kept saying this as I continued to inspect the rest of the house. "No, no, no!!!" My sweet, loving, beautiful chocolate lab had accomplish what no other dog has. There was diarrhea EVERYWHERE! All through the living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. By God's grace, she did not make it up the stairs.......yet. After opening all the windows (thank God again it wasn't snowing outside) I began the prep work so that when John got home he could clean it up. Pull out the carpet cleaner, set pots of water to boil, bucket, pail and sponge, and the big gun......bleach. Is it ok to use bleach in a carpet cleaner on carpet? Hmmmm. I don't care....love that bleach. Most of you know, because of the chemo, I am not supposed to handle animal feces. Hence, leaving the dirty job to him. Luckily, I already have a vet appointment for her at 10 tomorrow.
Then we got gussied up, Anna came over to watch the kids and we went out to dinner. John had made reservations "somewhere" for my birthday. I was looking forward to a nice dinner, yummy food, in an adult environment. John pulled up to the restaurant and all I could do was giggle. The Chop House? Are you serious? Cliff note: my twin is coming into town and a bunch of my girls are meeting us at the Chop House on Saturday for appetizers and drinks. Granted, I was not going to pass up a full meal there. It was amazing! I ate till I looked 3 months pregnant! I came home really tired but now I can't sleep. So, I figure it was a good time to get caught up on emails only to find one addressed from one of the kids teachers. Oh Boy! Witnessed behavior so bad that she lost recess, lunch in the lunch room and was sentenced to community service. Oh! How interesting this has made my morning! Somebody is going to get it........I have to pray that the right words will flow from my mouth to demonstrate my disappointment and encourage behavioral improvement. Now, I am really tired. I'm going to bed. Good night all!

sweet memories!

2011-02-19T10:29:00.000-08:00

It is yet another beautiful Colorado morning although it is supposed to rain this afternoon and then snow for the next 17. Go figure! I had such a horrible night of sleep thanks to my neuropathy in my feet. Not so sure what got them all fired up last night.......but it sucked, I tell you! I usually sleep with socks on because of the neuropathy but last night I couldn't stand to have anything touching them.....very weird!
As the mean mom, I made the girls clean their rooms yesterday. For their reward they got to get together with a friend and have a sleep over. Sierra went out for hers and Saige had her guest here. These girls played horse's all evening. Do you remember the old school horses? I played with these when I was a kid! I loved them and love to see two little girls (in such a techy world) play with them for hours. What imagination! Saige has eighteen of these horses. Some of them bought for her and others handed down from daddy. What memories! I remember going to my Aunt's house when she lived on the river. In the toy bin she kept for us was one of these horses. My favorite toy there....good memory. Well, on that note maybe I can catch a nap and dream about some of these memories....yay!

memories

2011-02-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

On my mantel is my collection of memories. Memories of babies being born, children growing up, weddings, camping trips, hiking 14ers, playing in creeks. I could go on and on. I generally take these down for Christmas decorating and then place them back up there after the new year. Well, if you think I am a slacker in the blog world, you will be happy to know that I just pulled those out yesterday and placed them back up on the mantel. Then I cried. How is it that there is a picture of me on a huge boulder of Mount Holy Cross and three months later I am in the hospital, diagnosed with cancer, fighting for my life, 20 pounds lighter with muscle atrophy? I have to be honest with you all. I really miss that strong, healthy body. Don't get me wrong. I am very blessed with the health I have. I am grateful for every chance I get to be out enjoying friends and family. And on most days I am very accepting of the symptoms I deal with on a daily basis. It's just a new way of living and I work around it, right? I mean, lets face it. I haven't blogged in ten days. And I know it tends to worry you, but I was really out enjoying life....and isn't that better than sitting here focused on cancer?
I don't have a lot to report. I have chemo on Wednesday again. They will infuse the Oxolyplatin and then I will go on the fourteen day regimen of Xeloda. After the full treatment there should be a CT. I have been feeling mostly good. Appetite has been off and neuropathy is.......I'm ready for summer. Other than that, energy is good. I hope you all have a happy Valentines Day! I plan on eating cake!

busy, busy, busy!

2011-02-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

Ok. I know. One day you find out I have my own class room of kindergartners in my lungs and the I just fall off the face of the earth! Not a very good friend, am I? Well, quick synopsis of what has happened since then:
Chemo on Tuesday, up with Saige at 3 am with barfing and stomach pain Wednesday morning, positive strep test done by 8 am and in my ACLS class by 10 am. I was picked up for ACLS on Thursday and very much appreciated the ride home.....I was so very tired by this point. Friday I got up and took the kids to school only to return to my bed and sleep the day away. Got up at 2 pm and by three started to demonstrate chemo side effects that drained me of any hydration left in my body........in a very, very wrong way. By 6 pm I sucked it up and went for fluids at the urgent care unit. I spunked up slowly on Saturday and was able to get the kids out of the house by 2 pm to go to the book store and then get something to eat. WOW! What a week! Hence the reason I didn't have the time to blog. Forgive me? I'm a busy girl!
I worked on Monday and then the freeze came in. Schools closed for two days now and the kids are stir crazy. Calgon! Take me away! Hope you are all staying warm!

Crap!

2011-01-24T16:45:00.000-08:00

Well, this most certainly ranks right up there as one of the suckiest days ever! That is of course minus the company, Pho, and cinnabon! Yup. It sucks. Not sure if that is strong enough of a word to describe it. I am sure you all can be much more creative and donate some better adjectives. Let's see. My CT results sucked. My tumor in my liver went from a 10 cm tumor to a 12 cm tumor. You know, he is getting to the point that I will not be able to find shoes for. My lung tumors? We lost count at 18 "suspicious" marble shaped things. I swear I am living in the twilight zone! So, no chemo today. We are starting a new/old treatment tomorrow. You guessed it! I am starting oxolyplatin as my infusion and Xeloda as an oral chemo. Oh yes, you guessed it again! You all get to hear all about my hands and feet again! Lucky dogs......He wanted to start it on Wednesday. I told him Wednesday would be difficult since I have ACLS......would you be willing to start it tomorrow? Sure. So, here we go gang! As Dorry would say.......just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I'm gonna go eat something cold....because I can! Love you all!

no, I did not go missing ;-)

2011-01-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

I my gosh! It has been forever since I have blogged! I didn't realize until someone pointed it out to me......so sorry! Since that blog I have had chemo, which once again, really isn't too bad. my back pain has mostly resolved....thank God! I got a doctors release to actually get a massage. They wouldn't do it in case they actually spread the cancer by rubbing my back....HA! Give a break! Really! I am more worried about the lotion they use on my poor, sensitive skin. My sister and niece came out to visit. Very fun! We all had a great time! I will confide in one moment that was very difficult for me. My niece had mentioned she had a pretty formal eighth grade graduation ceremony in the spring. So I suggested, for fun, to all take her to a dress shop and have her try on dresses so that she (and her mother) could get an idea of what would work for this big shin-dig. After dress number 25 it hit me that I may not be here to take my own girls shopping like this. Ouch! Did this hurt! I actually had to leave the dress shop to regain composure.
So, here is the deal. I am meeting with a woman from Texas on Friday to discuss what she calls "cherry picking" our care. She is a twelve year survivor of stage four colon cancer and has basically directed her own care through mets to liver, lungs, and brain. I receive my CT scan results on Monday and begin a new phase of planning.
In the mean time I did my PALS class this week and ACLS next week and schedule my first couple of shifts the week after. I am excited to get back to work. Call me crazy! Know that you are all such blessing to me! God bless you all!

Happy New Year 2011!

2011-01-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

I know....I'm slacking. As a family we spent a couple of days in a hotel before New Years. Had a great dinner at Nono's, the kids enjoyed the pool and I enjoyed not having to clean up after everyone. I just want some sweet little lady to come in daily to make my bed.....that would be nice! We then went up to Glenwood Springs for the weekend. The kids had a blast running, playing games, going sledding and eating ice cream every night. Lucky Dogs! I absolutely enjoyed the company, food and trip to the hot springs. I even enjoyed getting our (girls against the boys) tooshies handed to us on a platter during our Trivia pursuit game. Haven't laughed that hard in a very long time!
We returned from Glenwood Sunday night and used the next two days to get ready for school to start. The girls were pretty excited to get back to school to see their teachers and friends. I was ready for some down time. My lower back has been killing me and my body needed some extra sleep. I took advantage of nap time and heated up my teddy bear to put on my back. It has been really bothering me since Sunday and I don't quite know why. It has actually taken all week to get Christmas decorations packed up. Pathetic.
So here is the plan....I think I will receive two or three more treatments and then a PET scan. That's it! Cancer news is not so exciting. Still have mild rash on my face and chest and I battle fatigue all over my body. Other than that, this is a piece of cake! Better news, I am doing my ACLS and PALS at the end of this month and then back to work! I am looking forward to seeing my girls and boy and caring for others in a way you all have cared for me. Hope you all had a great New Year! Love out to you all!

New Year's resolution

2010-12-27T20:45:00.001-08:00

Got up early (early for Christmas break anyway) and went to chemo. My plan was to make sure I got copies of my labs from the last chemo session unfortunately, dreading the results. With all the fevers I've been having, who wouldn't? My CBC was mostly good with a white count of 9 but hematocrit of 30. Don't worry...they won't infuse me until I hit 25, and quite frankly that made me feal like a super huro last time...Cynbad the wonder chick! My liver enzymes are a little off with ALK/PHOS at 331, Albumin at 3.3, SGOT/AST 40. Not bad considering I have a ten centimeter tumer in there! My CEA was back today as well. It came back at 67.9. Yay! Woohoo! Yippy skippy! Down from 105? Instead of dragging myself into the chemo room with my knuckles dragging on the floor I went in with a slight skip in my step! A fellow chemo colleague commented that she has never seen anyone so chipper walk into that room. This news was the best Christmas gift I have ever received.....well, second to Christ's birth of course!
The nurses there were so funny too. I have to say I just love the staff there. I always say I won't miss them over the time I don't see them....but really you do grow to really like your regulars and enjoy the social time with them. They were all noticing how great my face looked. Granted, it does look really good in comparison, but I still harbor twenty or so zits on my face with painful ones hiding in my ears and many scattered over my chest and back. I am truly convinced that my gross cancer is pouring out through my gross zits.....so keep them coming!
Hope you all had a great Christmas and that you have a wonderful New Years! BTW....who's putting colonoscopies on their New Years resolution? My resolution? To kick some cancer ass of course! Silly people.....Love you!

Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-24T22:10:00.000-08:00

Interestingly enough, there were a few that worried I wouldn't see Christmas 2009. I, of course, had no doubt! And I never worried that I would share Christmas with loved ones in 2010. Six to eighteen months......hmmmm. What does that mean after all? Honestly, this Christmas has been much more emotional for me. I wish I could stop time because Christmas came much too fast this year. There are more that question where I will be next Christmas. So do I. I suppose those dumb lung mets threw us all for a serious loop. Lets talk about those dumb things. They are very small. They are so small I could hack them up in a nice loogy. Yes, I said loogy! They are in both lungs but they don't effect my respiration's. They are like those annoying little nats you inhale on a good mountain bike ride. There are great facilities and oncologists out there. If the one I am with doesn't fit my needs then it will be time to move on to the next. I plan on fighting everyday to be here...for now and next Christmas. So, don't go putting you pom poms and cheer leading outfits away just yet! Have a very Merry 2010 Christmas! Peace, joy and good health to you all!

Chemo brain?

2010-12-21T12:17:00.000-08:00

At 12:30am I woke up Sierra and she and I curled up under a blanket on the back deck to watch the lunar eclipse. Pretty cool if I do say so my self! When we got out there the moon was at a crescent, so we got to see it completely turn red. Anyone else brave the cold and lack of sleep to see this? I sure hope so!
On a health note, Saige has been fighting either a sinus infection or a cold. So, last night (because I conveniently lost our thermometer) we stopped at Walgreen's to get a new one. John picked out the temporal scanner 2000c. It only took us 15 minutes to figure out the thermometer doesn't read with the protective cover on! John checked himself 96.8, Saige 100.2, me 102.4 (what????).
I had just spent the day exchanging clothes with Sierra, going to the park with both kids and having a lovely dinner with a friend. Recheck-102.4 (what???!!). Refocus! Take care of your daughter, she feels like CRAP, and me? Just fine! Medicated my girl well, tucked her in and then snuggled. How long have I been running a temp? No idea. Maybe a one time thing? Hope so. I finally broke it out in the cold under a red moon. Awesome!
We are hanging at home so Saige can rest and heal. The Christmas break has been magical with more to come! Hope yours is as well! Merry Christmas to you all!

Priceless.....

2010-12-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

I know I am a sap. I can't help myself. And now you all have to hear about it. If there is anything that I can teach you all through my cancer journey it is: (1)God is in control, (2)get a colonoscopy ( colon cancer is THE most preventable cancer), (3) there are really good people out there in this crazy world. Now I use the word good to encompass a lot of meanings such as sincere, big hearted, loving, generous and thoughtful. I am sure I could come up with more, but you get the idea.
I know I have cancer. I know it is in my liver and lungs. I am not in denial about this. But the past year has been such a blessing to me! I have had the joy of seeing communities come together to love on my family, dote on my children, and care for us in a way I would have never expected. I generally do not mention names in my blog for HIPPA reasons. ;-) but I have to say something. The way my friend and family have rallied is amazing, the way the Sky Ridge OR/PACU/PRE-OP staff have supported my family is awe inspiring, the way the Powderhorn community has reached out with all their love and generosity is incredible, the way the Dakota Ridge football team and parents have loved on us is humbling, the way my Rock family has blessed us is indescribable, and the way the employees at UPRR has supported my husband is wonderful. Even though I have mentioned large groups of people....I know I am missing someone. And if it you, I am truly sorry. Don't worry though, it will come to me at two o'clock in the morning permanently disrupting my sleep. Oh, see some of them are coming to me now! The NICU group at St Joe's, several prayer groups across the country, I know there are Lilly folk that are reading and praying too!
My family was treated to a limo ride tonight to see the Christmas lights. In the limo were gift bags for the girls to go through. The joy of watching them go through the gift bags was priceless and the surprise of the limo ride was......I'm a lucky girl. The lights were beautiful. spending time with my family and seeing pure joy in my girl's faces......once again, I am a lucky girl!

still here!!

2010-12-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

I have to do a quick blog since some of you worry too much! I am still here....have not kicked the bucket yet. Don't plan on it any time soon either. I have too many fun things to do over the holidays. You will all be thrilled to hear I am down to five zits. Lets face it, I look hot now! I figure come Monday they will all be back. Or maybe not......I have been a little tired, but who isn't during the Christmas season? I went back to bed yesterday morning after the kids were off to school only to be tucked in by 7:30pm last night......aaaahhhh! I slept like a rock.
Had chemo on Monday. Plan is to do two more then a PET scan. Feeling good about this chemo. I am sure it is forcing all the cancer cells out through my skin....literally.
I am keeping this one short....I've got presents to wrap! Hope all is well with you!

They have taken over...

2010-12-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

Oh....my....gosh! This rash (that is what they call it) is getting worse everytime I wake up! What do I call it? Seriously the worst case of acne....ever. It itches and burnes everywhere the acne is. I just want to scratch it but I was told to leave it alone. I called the doctors office and told them about the 300 zits on my face and the thousands elsewhere and asked them if this was normal. My skin is on FIRE! My nurse said yes and you have to do MASH. MASH? Moisturize, antibiotics, sunscreen, hydrocortizone. Ok.....Today would be my third day of doing the MASH. It is not working AT ALL!
Ok, I am done ranting....for today anyway. Just know that I am not contagious. ;>) On the positive note (there always needs to be one of those, right?) they have seen this raaaash in many patients, it goes away onces you stop the chemtherapy, and the people that react to vecibix in this way generally are responding well to the treatment. Meaning that a few (thousand) zits are a small price to pay for a therapy that may be destroying my tumors. Ahhhh. I'm good now. So, I will put my chapstick and mascara on and go out with a smile! It's a good thing you all loved me before I became a puss pocket! A good friend of mine suggested I should throw back to the 80's and just enjoy my youth. Spin the bottle, leg warmers, big hair.......maybe I will!

whats with the zits?

2010-12-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I was having the best weekend ever! Honestly, I was having a great week. I didn't feel bad from my new chemo at all. I was even seeing some relief from the last symptoms, and let me tell you, those were getting really ugly! There are certain things you just don't blog.....so I will save you from the dirty details. Friday, hung with the family and watched a Christmas movie and then hopped in the car to go see lights. Some people are so creative! Saturday morning I went to a ladies Christmas brunch and enjoyed really great company and excellent food. Afterward, I went power Christmas shopping for the family with some girls from work. They were true experts in this arena. I am like a lost little puppy in a mall. These girls showed me how it was really done! Granted, I allowed them to push me around in a wheel chair. I think they were worried they would wear me out.......ha! I was worn out all right! I am so blessed by so many angels. I know I've said this before, but my heart has been forever touched and warmed by the generosity, friendship and love I have experienced. Sunday, I got up and went to breakfast with a friend and then off to church. After church I could hardly wait to get home. I hit a huge brick wall. The fatigue that set in was indescribable. We got home and I told the girls I needed some quiet time to nap. Then another angel showed up at my door. A friend from church noticed how tired I was and came by to take the girls so I could nap......oh, thank you, thank you. I hit my pillow and was out....like a light. John came home at three and woke me up. Holy cow! I have never slept for hours in the middle of the day like that! Guess what I woke up with? A really awesome rash! I officially have the worst case of teenage acne all over my face, neck, back and chest. Oh the days.......to be young again. Lets face it. I am vain. This really rocked my world. I have this redness along with fifty whiteheads on my face......that I can't do anything with. What did my sister say? Roll over in bed and pop, pop, pop! I can't pop them, scrape them or cover them with make up. So, instead, I bought some antler ears. They are awesome....with bells on them. Maybe it will distract you all from looking at my face.......we can only hope. It has only gotten worse with time and now it itches....grrr. I have to say, the chemo must be working if it is wreaking such havoc on my skin....right? Point to ponder.....

PET scan results

2010-11-29T15:17:00.000-08:00

First, and most importantly, I had by far the best Thanksgiving ever!!!!All my siblings were together for a holiday dinner for the first time in over twenty years! Can you believe that?! We cooked mega amounts of food, ate till we puked and then ate some more. We played games, hung out, put the kids to bed and then watched a late movie. It was so nice having everyone here, I wish we could all do it again........Christa came in on Friday and stayed till Friday and Mike, Lilian and Niels came in on Tuesday and stayed till Saturday. For having such a small house and smaller water heater, it went smooth as silk! I am the most blessed and love girl in the whole world!
I suppose we need to get to the inevitable......my PET scan. I am not sure I am much of a fan of Pet scans anymore. Look at it this way. If you had a choice of seeing the world through only your eyes or seeing it through only what's in your heart.......what would you choose? I have to say I like how my heart sees the world and I would stick with that! In that world I was doing well. In that world I was healing and the one tumor in my liver became a pet that just needed to be tamed. In that world I am feeling stronger everyday and was considering going back to the gym more. In that world my friends, loved ones, family saw me and my heart.....not my cancer. My PET scan obviously does not understand my desire to stay in that world. PET scans only have eyes.......no heart. This heartless scanner saw my liver tumor and said, "Whoa! That thing is growing like a weed! How amazing that it can grow three extra centimeters in just a matter of weeks? What ya feeding that kid?" And then his eyes got REALLY big and he said, "Looky there! That thing is reproducing! Look at all five of them, aren't they just adorable? Good thing they are building a new home for all those little rug rats! And just think, the lung is a more up scale community anyway! Lucky dogs!" I know.....sick humor. Fine then! Pray for my twisted sense of humor and throw in an extra one for a miracle. Love you all!

PET scan

2010-11-22T15:21:00.000-08:00

Went for my PET scan this morning. Well, more like afternoon. I walked into Rocky Mountain cancer center and nearly ran into a table full of yummy looking cookies. Cookies? On PET scan day? I hollered across the lobby to Christine, the receptionist/scheduler, that I found nothing funny about those cookies greeting me! I have not eaten anything since the night before and I was starving! I was begging for my barium just to get something on my tummy. She laughed......I really enjoyed my PET scan. Drank my barium with pleasure, port access simple as can be and then pumped full of nuclear med which made me feel really warm and fuzzy!
So, now it is done and all I can think about is all the food I am going to eat this week. I love Thanksgiving! I love having my house full of loved ones, eating good food, enjoying each others company, playing games (that I intend to win). This is the start of my favorite time of year! Oh! And not to brag, but I don't have to worry about putting on the extra holiday weight. Infact, I will welcome them! The pro's of having cancer. Hee, hee!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week!

Love that chemo!

2010-11-17T08:20:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here counting down the beeps on my pump till it squawks at me. As soon as I can disconnect this dumb thing I can get a quick shower the go for fluids, neulastin and get something more for my nausea. My mouth tastes....gross. My nausea is....there and the other end is not happy either. I love the in's and out's of my life (body).
Had a long talk with Dr. Jotte about the other treatments I suggested earlier. He was extremely open to the ideas but had some of his own as well. Unfortunately, none of them can be done till we get my systemic micro cancer cells back under control. That is why we are doing chemo now then targeted treatment later. On Monday I go in for my PET scan and then the Monday after Thanksgiving I will receive results and plan of action that is appropriate. He has already talked to Dr. Nutting about doing portal vein embolization and is wanting to do cyberknife second generation. He made a great point of not rushing ahead of ourselves with desperate decisions. That is where cancer patients can get into trouble. I get that!
I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving with family. My sister flies in on Friday and is staying till Tuesday and my brother and his family will be here Monday till the weekend. We are planning a huge feast as usual and I plan on eating all of it! John is smoking the turkey which is my favorite way to have it cooked. Black Friday I am hoping we can work on Christmas decorations. I have always disliked Black Friday, but now I absolutely hate it with a passion. That is the day I was diagnosed.....not a whole lot of good memories for that day. To be honest with you, I don't remember much after 10;45 am that morning. The only memory I have is of the doctor telling me and then staying up till 1:00 am to drink that nasty Golytely. Yuck! Pray for strength for me and my family as we scoot through this really dumb day. I do have to say this! I am so blessed to get another holiday season to spend with my family. I am blessed that I am still alive and I am blessed to have so many people love me. You do love me, right? Regardless, I love you all.

Grrrr!

2010-11-13T11:08:00.000-08:00

I have just made several phone calls to every single pharmacy in the city and found that not ONE of them carries Granisetron 1mg NDC 00093748512. They all have to have it specially ordered in. Why does this matter? This is my Kytril....my life line during chemo....I called it in to Walgreen's on Thursday and they say that the chance of them getting it in by Monday morning is very slim. Slim. Hate that word. I begin to take this medication on Sunday night, by the way. I am ready to kill someone. Oh, that is illegal. Maybe I will just cry instead. Nah! That's getting old. Maybe I should take my aggression out on the WII fitness again. A little hula hoop anyone? I will so kick your but! OK, lesson learned. I will call this in on Monday....give them some extra time.
On a more positive note, the girls had sleepovers last night. It was a lot of fun! We had pizza, soda, and ice cream. All very good. We then watched Ramona and Beezas. What a super cute movie! I could totally connect with the movie since I have a Ramona and Beezas.....in the same order as well. The kids were up till after eleven and up early. Trust me! mine will be in bed early tonight! Hope you all are having a great weekend! Love out to you all!

Quote for the day

2010-11-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass......it's about learning how to dance in the rain!"

Read this quote today and had to share it with you! This is how I have been able to manage through all the crap, yet not able to put it in words quite so eloquently. I am not the only one amongst us that is dealing with a crappy situation and I have never been one to think my crap trumps your crap. There's the marriage crap, the work crap, the family dynamics crap. We can add in there the thoughtless driver crap, the mean lady crap and all the political crap. Through all this crap.....let's dance! Just make sure you avoid stepping in the dog crap ;-).

Good times!

2010-11-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

Our family disapeared off the grid....just for a few days, but it was exactly what we needed! A friend of mine offered her beautiful cabin in Fairplay for the weekend and others set up meals to make the trip easy and relaxing. In three days and two nights I learned the new meaning of lazy! It was awesome! We went up there and ate lots of food, sat by the fire at night, slept in in the mornings, enjoyed the hot tub and did a bit of exploring of the area. The weather was amazing! I spent plenty of time sitting on the deck enjoying the quietness of the place. Careful......we might move in permanently! The girls certainly did not want to come home.....don't blame them really.
Today......back to reality. Paying bills, doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen. Fun, fun! Oh well! Anything is better than chemo, right? Oh yah!
I can honestly say I am afraid of this week. It is actually going to be cold and snowy, yikes! When we were in Fairplay, we drove to the top of the pass between Alma and Breckenridge and then took a four wheel road up higher just so the girls could play in the snow. While the sun felt incredible up there, the snow under my feet caused an enormous amount of pain. Wow! Huge reality check of how the cold will effect my neuropathy. Well, out comes the snow boots and wool socks! Don't be laughing at me when you see me out on a cold, non snowy day wearing winter boots and snow pants! I may have to karate chop you in your liver......or something like that! Because my CEA's went up last week, we are looking into other treatments. I will be scanned after my next chemo session. Whether it is a PET scan or a CT scan, we're still duking that one out. I am pushing for a PET so pray for that. I have also brought Proton therapy and cyberknife to the attention of my oncologist. Cyberknife I can do here but the Proton therapy I will have to be away from my family for 5-7 weeks. Whatever works, right? Keep us in your prayers for wisdom and guidance. God bless you all!

quite the rollar coaster

2010-11-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Another round of chemo completed. Yay for that! It wasn't too, too bad. Really.....I went in Wednesday for extra fluids and anti nausea meds and found that my blood pressure was only 80/42 and my temperature was 101.4. Can we say shoot?!!! After my hydration therapy my blood pressure came up nicely but my temperature stayed the same. We are all in agreement that they are tumor related. This does not make me to happy. I have some good news though! My liver enzymes are holding strong, so my liver seems to remain semi healthy. More bad news though. I lost 4 pounds this last two weeks. Must have shed them with all those crazy night sweats (menopause already?) and fevers I've been having......who knows. I sure am eating well. I think so anyway. I went for a cheeseburger at Mc Donalds and am probably the only one ever in the history of man kind to count the calories, fat and protein to make sure I get enough! Good news, I feel great! I am actually very surprised by this. My energy level is up and I am sleeping a bit better. More bad news though. My CEA's (tumor markers) went up this week from 85 to 105. This is very disheartening and makes me question the effectiveness of the chemo I am receiving at this point. I just found this out today and am just trying to remain positive. It's only a stupid number....right!? I am not a number!! Good news, the four of us have been given a great gift of a minnie vacation in Fairplay. This is needed so much. The stress of sitting around here and wondering whats next is pretty thick. So, we are going to take this time and come together as a family and just enjoy ourselves. Prayers needed for guidance, wisdom and strength. Both for the doctors and myself. Love out to you all!

great news!

2010-10-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

It took a good friend of mine to say, "Hey you haven't blogged in a while and so much has happened!".....basically. It has been a crazy weekend/week for sure. It's like I popped out of chemo yuckiness and haven't stopped since then. Ok, that is not totally true. I tried to stop for a whole day....it didn't happen. I got to hang with friend, spend time with my sister and nephew and get some quality time with my kids. My father in-law came in to town and the boys went hunting for a week. Came home with a cow too! So, a lot has happened and I am not going to bore you with all the details and just give you the highlight of my weekend. On Sunday, surrounded by many loving friend, my girls and I got baptized! It was AWESOME! I was so excited, I could hardly sit still! I am so blessed to have the opportunity to see my girls get baptized as well. Amazing. God has blessed me in so many ways and this proclamation was exactly what I needed to do. I need to put a shout out to all of you who came to support me! It was pretty cool to have my own cheering section! Without my faith in Jesus Christ I would not have made it this far. He has kept me strong and given me many earthly angels to help me along the way. Blessings to you all!

chemo week

2010-10-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

I find it difficult to believe I just received the same chemo I received two weeks ago. I had some nausea, but not nearly as bad, and I tossed chunks only three times. I had to go into Rocky Mountain for a neulastin shot on Wednesday because my white count was 3. Still slightly nauseated and running a temperature of 100.4, they kept me for an hour for hydration and anti nausea goods. My temperature so kindly dropped with the first 500cc's of hydration saving me from a whole battery of tests. After the last 500cc's, I felt better so my port was deactivated and I was sent home. My biggest issue at this point is the insomnia that creeps in around 3am every morning and the leg/hip pain that seems to be the perpetuating factor. That is why I am blogging at four. It gets to the point that I have to get out of bed and move around.
My oldest daughter came home from school yesterday and informed me that there are 7 families at Powderhorn dealing with the evil C word. They are selling paper ribbons for a dollar that the student can buy and then color the appropriate color according to type of cancer. She took five dollars to buy a recorder and chose to use it for the ribbons instead. From what she told me, one of the families has lost the battle and the proceeds will go to them. My heart aches that someone is suffering through the loss of a loved one. On a personal level, my heart breaks seeing my ten year old understands this possibility. I am extremely proud to see her realize that her five dollars can go for something purposeful. What a kid! Saige, on the other hand, is still in her lovely world of where pretty pink ponies eat purple butterflies and poop out rainbows.....exactly where I want to keep her for now!

Great weekend!

2010-10-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

We had such an amazing weekend. We went to Glenwood to stay with dear friends and really had a great time. Ate amazing food, good conversations and beautiful weather. What more can you ask for? The kids all played so hard they slept past Mondays alarm clocks! Good for them. I am sitting here now drinking my tea and mentally preparing myself for chemo. I leave in 15 minutes......do I really have to go? I suppose so......Well, I am going to eat something before I can't! Later!

Yup! Still here!

2010-10-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt much like blogging for the past few days. If I did, it would have gone much like this: type, barf, sleep, type, barf, sleep, type barf, sleep. And what if I fell asleep on my computer and my hair caught fire? Or what if I barfed on the computer, then fell asleep on it. And then it would surely short out, catch my hair on fire, ultimately burning down the house. So, out of concern and safety for my family and surrounding neighbors, I held off.
Anyway, I am doing better today. I started chemo on Monday. Most of the concoction that is being use is similar as the other before except for one swap. I traded out the Oxoliplatin and traded in Irinotecan. If either one of those are spelled correctly, it is miraculous. I was serious vomitis and icky on Tuesday. Wednesday seemed better but I was still very tired and slept most of the day. Thursday I attempted a trip out to Walmart. This did not go well, made it back to the pharmacy, sat on the benches (giving my mom some time to shop) and then we HAD to go. Today I feel a lot better but still carrying a lot of nausea. Movement, head turning and car rides make me crazy nauseous. Mom is here scooping up the piles of barf. Everybody say Hi! She is waving right now from her position on the floor! God bless her!
Next chemo session is on the 18th and then two more after that we will have a CT done to see if anything has gone amiss. Sorry litle @#$%#$%^.....but ya just gotta go! Love you all

next plan

2010-10-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

It has been difficult to actually blog the information I received. Part of me expected it, another part was hoping for better news. My CEA's, which are my tumor markers, have nearly doubled and they believe my cancer is spreading and growing. At first, my doctor wanted to wait for three months to see what would happen with the lymph nodes and the tumor. After picking my jaw up off of the floor, he changed his tune and we are starting chemo on Monday. We will be doing chemo every other week and then a CT in 8 weeks to see if it working. Technically, we are starting at square one but only with one tumor. So, I feel good about this. I ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers. This is going to be a long hull but we will get through it.

meeting with kortz.....

2010-09-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

This is going to be the hardest blog ever to write. We have been delivered a severe blow and continue to real from it the evening. I am assuming the fact that the kids are here, that is why we can hold it together at this point.
My sister and I went to see Dr. Kortz. The news was not good. At this point the tumors are growing fingers with in the portal vein and hepatic artery....especially on the exit end. This renders the possibility of a surgery null and void. It will never happen. Interesting how Dr. Kortz kept saying that there are so many other great cards to play. I conveniently reminded him he was the Ace.
We are very, very scared at this point. Relying on God and each other to stay strong. Kortz recommended going back to Sir Spheres along with chemotherapy. I am afraid Nutting won't touch me with a ten foot pole after the burn episode. I hope I am wrong.
I am now very worried that the lymph nodes are active cancer and I WANT THEM OUT! Not all that attached to them....really. Good news is, when I do start chemo, my fevers should go away and I will have more energy on the alternate weeks of chemo. This will give me precious time with my girls, husband and friends.
Don't worry, I have not given up yet! This is just a very tall hurdle that I plan to crawl under to get to what needs to be done.

CT results.....

2010-09-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a day! I woke up early to snuggle with my seven year old while my ten year old was in the shower. I love moments like that! There is nothing better than her sweet little sleepy face so close to mine.
Ok, so for the good news. I went to the wound doctor yesterday (actually the wound nurse since the doctor tried to cancel) and had my wound repacked. It has healed soooooo very much! I am so impressed in the change of the wound! In one week it went from half inch deep and dime size to 3mm deep and pen size. Yay for me!!!!
The other good news is my tumors have not changed at all from the last CT. They believe they are going to remain inflamed for a while. Unfortunately, there are two lymph nodes that are inflamed as well. Is it cancer? Not sure yet. CEA results are in tomorrow. It is a huge possibility that they are inflamed from necrotic tissue or a stewing infection that we just don't know about. I will be seeing and infectious disease doctor on Friday just to make sure. It is now official......a doctors appointment every day this week. Yay for me!!
I get to see Dr. Jotte for a follow up next Friday....told him I just couldn't wait to see his bright shiny face so soon. Lucky me! He called me a liar. Hmmm.

very tired.....

2010-09-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am so very tired since I returned from the hospital. Not really sure what that is about. I could seriously sleep the day away if I didn't have other things that I have to get done. The pain is still there but is becoming more tolerable with less medication.
I have so much going on this week. Yesterday, I went in for a CT. Today I am going to the wound clinic to have my wound re-packed. Not really looking forward to that one. Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Jotte to go over the CT. A lot of emotions are going along with this one. I am so scared that I am going to receive bad news. Can't seem to stop thinking about it today. What if this burn damaged too much of the left lobe that they can't take out the right? I need some heavy duty praying from all of you. For healing and peace. I see the surgeon on Thursday. Not sure what he is going to say. I am also running temperatures again. Maybe this is why I feel like the life is being sucked out of me? They say the temperatures are from the necrotic tissues around my tumors. I don't know how much of that I believe.
On an up note, I am going to women of faith this weekend. I can't wait! Spending the whole weekend praising and worshiping, what more can I ask for?

Hell week....

2010-09-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

This was officially a week from hell. It started out with my burn wound going down hill....quickly to being hospitalized for pain control. Monday I called my doctor to get the ball rolling on the burn. Within just a few days it went from being covered by a healthy scab to puss, slough and possible tunneling. Later on Monday I opened a bottle of nail polish and felt a distinct POP in my left upper quadrant. This is the same area I had pain after the ablation. At that time it was blamed on a hematoma on my liver. When I went to bed that night, that exact pain returned with a vengeance. I was able to get it to chill out with a couple of percocet, unfortunately to wake at 1:15am with the same pain....only intensified. By 2:00am I couldn't take it anymore so I woke my husband to take me to the ER. I was in histerics.
I spent the rest of the night in the S.W Swedish ER only to be discharged in the morning with 10/10 pain, nausea and vomiting. Unfortunately (yet fortunately) my CT didn't show anything, therefore there was no reason for me to be in pain. From that point I was treated as a drug seeker and a nuisance. Did they not hear my history? Did they not hear my husband specifically say he has never seen me like this even through all the crud that I have been through? When they shoved dilaudid (still in the package) into my husbands hand and told us how to show ourselves out, I vowed I would never use that ER again....ever.
That afternoon I went to Sky Ridge to have my wound and pain re-evaluated. I was ultimately admitted for pain management and wound care. The wound doctor scooped out all the fibroid tissue and puss. Then he cut away at the old dead tissue and slough, finishing up with scooping away the bottom of the wound with what I call a miniature ice cream scooper. That was really gross. It hurt pretty bad too....but it was really, really gross! We are now packing the wound. On Thursday my pain was to a point I could handle at home. The wound nurse came to re stuff the wound (which unfortunately developed new slough in just a few days) and sent me home.
I am still hurting but I am truly focused on healing and very glad to be in my own home and bed. I have decided I need to heal, get that crazy surgery, heal from that and go roller blading! Can't wait!

Chemo 101

2010-09-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

Ok fellow blog followers! I need your help today and everyday till the end of September. The Pepsi challenge is underway for new ideas. This is where people submit new ideas, the public vote for there favorite and then they receive 250,000 dollars toward their idea to make it happen.

Chemo 101 is a web site being developed by a woman, KG is what I know her by, that will be designed to help newly diagnosed cancer patients. This web site will help them understand treatment options, obtain financial assistance if needed, and find a support group with in their area. I wish I had this available to me when I was newly diagnosed!

You can go to Chemo101.com and vote up to 3 times a day till the end of September. Please. This is so important to me. It will be so beneficial to so many people effected by this crummy disease.

In the mean time, I am just trying to stay focused on what needs to be done to get healthy. My hands and feet hurt tremendously and my burn seems to be taking FOREVER to heal. This is not preventing me from doing my prescribed walking. I am up to 3 miles a day! This does not help my feet at all but it sure does lift my spirit! I plan on calling my oncologist on Tuesday and getting started on Neurontin at least for the night time. Falling asleep and staying asleep is becoming impossible. So, if I seem forgetful or loopy......it's the neurontin. Just remember it's temporary!

met with Dr. Kortz

2010-09-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

I met with Dr. Kortz today and he said he was not sharpening any knives yet. I told him I will now forever picture him in the OR sharpening knives with Mozart as background music! What a kook! Unfortunately, I didn't bring my CT scan cd with me, assuming that he should be able to retrieve it. It was done at a sister hospital for crying out loud! Apparently they use different servers for imaging results. Grrrr! Did HCA consult with me on this? NOOOO! Use the same server you big dummies! So I went home after our meeting, retrieved my cd and ran it back to him. He will view it today and call me tomorrow.
In the mean time, regardless of what the CT says, he wants to wait four weeks for another round of CEA's and another triple phase CT for comparison. Never mind the fact that we both agree my body needs more time to heal. I am at peace with this. Thanks for the prayers!
I would like to enlist a specific prayer from all my warriors. The neuropathy in my feet and hands is worsening and really making simple things miserable. I drop everything because of the numbness in my fingers yet it hurts to type (hence the blogging stall), and grocery shopping is a nightmare because of the cold. My feet hurt so bad by the time i go to bed, I can hardly fall asleep and I wake because of stabbing pain through my toes and the top of my feet. I am trying not to wine, but it has become such a focus of everything I do and there is only so much pain a person can take! Please pray for ease of this pain. Love you all!

CT results.....

2010-08-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I went to Sky Ridge to have my cat scan done. It felt like a long day regardless of the fact that it went smooth as silk. Then I had to wait....and you all know how much I like to wait! Today I met with Dr. Jotte about my CT and next plan of action. While I was there he got Dr. Nutting on the phone and they reviewed my scan together. They concurred that the Sir spheres are doing what they need to be doing and the tumor that has been ablated is doing exactly what they hoped as well. That is the good news. There is only one minor problem. Lets see if I can explain this correctly. There is a small possibility that the necrotic tissue from the two tumors may be encroaching on each other and may change my surgical candidacy. They are worried that there may not be enough healthy tissue to make a clean margin. I am not letting this get to me, I promise you that much. I meet with Dr. Kortz on Thursday. I don't think we will have a final call that day but we will be closer.......

moving forward

2010-08-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

I saw Dr. Jones for wound care for my burn. He basically said not to come back unless I have something to cut into, debreed or dig out. I told him I would not be seeing him anytime soon then. You're a nice doc and all, but.........The burn is healing nicely with just the honey. Amazing. I also saw Dr. Nuttng for follow up and all seems to be well there. He is signing off my chart and sending it to Dr. Kortz. Everybody seems to be in agreement to have my right lobe removed. Sounds fun, I tell you. Especially after last weeks news of the young, live liver donor. Makes my liver all warm and fuzzy.....Just remind myself, different hospital, different surgeon, different body and God is in the mix of it all. Next step is CT scan on the 23rd and review of that scan will be on the 27th. I figure I won't meet with Kortz until after that.
The kids are having their meet-n-greet ice cream social tonight and will be meeting their teacher. I think we are all excited about this. I know I am! It's really perfect timing. I have been cleared to work again and the kids will be back in school. So, PACU gals (and boys) be ready to put me to work! It will be nice to have some normalcy before the next bit of chaos. Love out to you all!

Definately feeling better this time.

2010-08-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning without pain. How does that happen? How is it you can have so much pain and then, poof! it seems to be gone! I am so very glad......now what to do with myself? My burn area seems to be healing well. Every time I change the dressing I put my finger on it to make sure it is not tunneling into my chest. I know, sounds gross yet entertaining!
The kids have one more week before school. I am hoping to have some fun with them before they start back. Anyone have any new ideas for entertaining kids?
Thanks again for all the prayers and love!

through the pain there is some good

2010-08-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I have been having a lot of pain since the procedure. It has become quite discouraging. The percocet has not been alleviating the pain at all.......so I stopped taking them. I pulled out some old dilaudid (from my November surgery) and tried that. It definitely seems to work better than the percocet. I finally called Dr. Nutting on Tuesday and he ordered a CT for Wednesday morning (this morning at 7:30). I showed up for the cat scan at 7:15 to drink my oral contrast only to be informed that they will be doing IV contrast and the scan is not till 8:30......groan. At 8:15 I was taken back to the scanner. I laid down on the narrow bed only to curl up in a spasmodic fit of pain. Once we got through that, I laid flat only to be overcome with emotions (yes, I started to cry). To be back at the Sally Jobe envision center (where this whole mess started) was quite emotional. Finally, IV was started and scan was completed. I pulled it together and went home to wait. Officially, they found a hematoma in the area that I am experiencing all this pain. Dr. Nutting seems to think it will resolve on it's own....I will just have to suck it up I suppose. The good news is........drum role please........he also said the large tumor is responding well to the Sir spheres. In fact he said he was quite impressed at how early and how well it was responding. Shrink baby shrink! God is good, all the time!

much better today...

2010-08-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

Much better today.....quite tired still but the pain is bearable on just Tylenol. It just feels like there is pressure behind my rib cage, especially the left side. I am pretty sure I am going to survive yet another day to fight this little bugger! So, I guess you all are stuck with me!
Picked up my girl from camp today. She had such a great time and is already planning on next year. She was with a great group of girls! I want a tepee! She is definitely very tired from the week....I think we all are. Going to bed early is in order. thanks for all the prayers and support! I am so blessed to have you all!

Cooked well done

2010-08-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yay! My ablation is done! They went in once to heat that sucker to death unfortunately to find that the microwave was too intense for my sensitive body. The heat traveled back up the needle, burning my tissue and skin. So, he went back in and use radio frequency ablation to finish off the assassination......I think this is how I understood it all. I was in quite a bit of pain Tuesday evening but slept fairly well in between nursing care that night. Wednesday, my friend Diane and I were dressed and ready to rock and roll by nine.....then we waited and waited for the wound nurse to evaluate my burn and prescribe some care. Get this! My new age wound care consists of honey called medihoney. It is from the tee tree in hmmmm, can't remember where it is from. Pretty cool though! During our wait we played several card games, talked and went on walks to get out of the room. The walks only happened once we promised I would not smoke, drink or shoot up my port.....hmmm. Not how anyone would want to spend their birthday....happy birthday girl!
I have quite a bit more pain today. I feel like I slept in the gutter and somebody kicked me in the chest to wake me up. Not going to get much accomplished today. Percocet, take me away.......

change of plans.....

2010-07-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

My how things can change so quickly. My appointment has been canceled with Dr. Nutting for Monday and now I am scheduled for ablation on Tuesday afternoon. I am not all that excited about this. Really. Do I feel anybody understands this. No. I can't seem to wrap my brain around it.....guess I need to get on board quickly!
It is strange to me that with every procedure there comes a wave of reminders that I am fighting cancer. I know that sounds crazy, but when I am keeping busy with kids and life, I tend to drift into a bit of denial. It sure is a lovely place to be! Unfortunately, bi-weekly I am reminded that I have to continue to go through more crap and I take a ride on the emotional roller coaster. You would think this is second nature by now! So, to get myself out of this funk I am going to revisit the top ten things to be grateful for. Warning: there have been changes!
1) God (obvious)
2) My family and friends (another obvious)
3) My dog, cat, and little tiny hamster (oh yah, love that guy)
4) Food (need I say more?)
5) Sun (it makes me happy)/ rain (because it smells good)
6) Laughter (doesn't everybody?)
7) The people I work with (not sure why, but they actually let me come to work)
8) Food (yes, this one deserves to be repeated!)
9) Hiking
10) Heart shaped rocks......
Hope all is well with everyone! Please say a little prayer for me on Tuesday.....thank you!

Mesa Varde

2010-07-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

I promised some pictures from the trip....It was a great weekend, all in all. We certainly did end it with a bang! Literally! We had packed up the jeep, checked out of the hotel and went to get gas. We planned on spending the day in Durango and then getting a hotel closer to home to ease the 9 hour drive. Low and behold, less than a mile from town we heard a BANG and then a clankity clank clank. The jeep came to a screeching halt and John had lost all control of steering wheel and jeep in general. Bottom line....the gears fell apart and the jeep locked up. It was not in any shape to make the treck to Denver. We were left with three choices: 1)leave it there at a shop and rent a vehicle to get home and then drive back to pick it up, 2) have a tow truck tow it back to Denver for the low price of 1500.00, 3) haul it home yourself with a uhaul truck and trailer for 600.00. What do you think we chose? So, we get this uhaul truck and drive 9 hours in a vehicle that had only three seats. Cozy! Lets now count our blessings: 1) we weren't going 70 mph with a vehicle trailing us, 2) no one was hurt and 3) we got our baby blue home safely! God is good! Good ole fashion family fun, I tell you!

On a cancer note, I have really been feeling great! The only issue I am dealing with is my lovely neuropathy, causing a lot of numbness and tingling. I went to see Dr. Jotte yesterday and he said (again) that it will worsen before it gets better and it may take months and months before I see improvements....hmmmm. He suggested an MRI to check my spine again because when I nod yes, I have numbness and tingling shoot down the front of me to my toes and my butt is numb. I, on the other hand suggested to say NO instead and to see a chiropractor...he seemed ok with that. I went and saw one after the appointment with Jotte. He specializes in neuropathy and feels (strongly) that he can help me. Keeping my numb fingers crossed. I don't see Dr. Nutting till Monday now and we will plan the ablation that day. And my nezt (don't have a functioning letter on my key board) PET scan is in four weeks. So many fun things planned.....I don't know what to do with myself!

vacation time

2010-07-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I picked up my kids and we all headed down to Mesa Verde for a little family vacation. How nice it is to get away from it all! If you haven't been down here, put it on your list of musts! The tours were great and the cliff dwellings were amazing! I will post some pictures as soon as I get home. We also drove the 40 miles (or so) to get to four corners monument only to be turned away. Just a side note....they are closed due to construction. So, don't go there. A sign to that aspect would have been nice.....40 miles ago!
We plan on returning on Sunday and then I have a lovely week full of doctors appointments. I think they just want my money.......it's all a conspiracy! Oh well....Maybe this would be a good time to ask them why my fingers are getting worse?! And why my feet are asleep ALL THE TIME?! Keep you posted!

Doing great!

2010-07-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

Did I really have Yttrium-90 placed in my liver? I don't think sooooo. It's all a dream, I think. I can't believe that he followed Cynthia's orders of giving me the beads and keeping his laundry list of side effects and symptoms. I appreciate that! I can't believe how great I feel. Thursday I stayed on bed rest, just as the doctor ordered. Yesterday, I did a little shopping for some tops....don't worry, I avoided children and women as much as possible. Today I hiked lair O' the bear and had lunch in an empty restaurant (works for me). I did take a nap this afternoon, which was much needed, but all in all I feel very blessed with the outcome, so far.
My kids are still away. If I felt crappy, I probably wouldn't miss them. But since I feel so good, I actually miss those little buggers. They are having such a good time that when I call, they don't want to talk to me. How could that be? ;>) I am so glad they are enjoying their time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.
Thanks for the many prayers! I couldn't feel this great with out them. God is great!

Phase two complete!

2010-07-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today was theeeee day to have my Sir-spheres placed. There were so many people in the interventional radiology room, I though we were having a party.........for meeeee! Nope! That was not the case at all. A small group was there from out of town to watch the procedure done by Dr. Nutting. He is the best you know. And I am a great science project!
The procedure went much like Tuesdays where he inserted the catheter, placed the Yttrium-90 beads with intermittent dye to make sure they were going in the right area and not spilling over into others. It all seemed to go smooth as silk! My recovery went well to. Got back to my room and chowed on candy, french toast, bacon and fruit! I was a little bit more tired this time, but I also received a touch more sedation as well.
I feel great today. I am so grateful for all the prayers and kind words. I am feeling the love......and love cures! Thank you!

Phase one complete

2010-07-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

Phase one of Sir-spheres is complete! It went so well and I have received the green light to go ahead on Thursday. Today Dr. Nutting placed a catheter, under conscious sedation, into my artery in my groin. Then threaded it up to my liver to shoot some dye into it. This made it easy for him to map out my arteries and veins for Thursday. He also found some shunting to my stomach, therefore, placed coils to close that artery. This is to keep the beads in my liver and not hanging out wreaking havoc on my stomach. The entire staff was amazing! I can't believe how smooth everything went!
I was then recovered and sent home with no problems. I laughed when they said I needed to remain on bed rest for the rest of the day(with bathroom privileges). How could this be? I have stuff to do and I feel great! I came home, ate some lunch soon to realize I couldn't keep my eyes open. I crashed and burned for a couple of hours and woke with some soreness. I guess doctor knows best........

All is well!

2010-07-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. I want you all to know I am doing well. I am just taking this time to enjoy the normal things in life. I have been spending lots of time with the kids doing fun kid stuff. I went to work for a princess shift on Friday, which was really fun! I have been trying to stay up on laundry and house hold stuff before I have to send my kids off to Glennwood and Junction. That is where they will be going when I am radio-active. This is a good thing since my youngest will not get the whole six foot thing unless I barricade myself in my room.......not going to happen!
As I head into this week, I feel more and more like a science project;>). I will keep you all posted on my Sir-spheres expedition......especially for those nerdy folks that want to hook me up to light bulbs and fuses........and actually find Yttrium-90 fascinating :>). Love out to you all!

Here's the plan

2010-07-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

Houston, we have a plan! I met with Dr. Nutting this morning, yet another amazing doctor, and we have set the plan in motion. He spent an hour going over my PET scans and the treatment options and what he felt was good for me.
On Tuesday the 14th of July, I go in to the hospital at 6:00am(I know, not a pretty site) and have my mapping done. That should take about 4-6 hours when all is said and done.This mapping is of the veins and arteries of my liver to make sure there aren't major ones that go to any other organ. If he finds any, he blocks them so the Sir-Spheres filled with Yttrium-90 don't go into these other organs, which would result in dammage. (Yah, had to go there. Some big vocabullary words for you and they are actually spelled right!) Don't feel bad......I coppied them from the brochure I recieved;>).
Then on July 16th, I go back to the hospital (at 6am) and have the actual procedure done. Should take about 4-6 hours again and they send me home to recuperate. The side effects include:abdominal pain, nausea, fever and fatigue. Hmmmm. Not me! I will pass on all of those. So, place your lovely Sir-Spheres and keep your side effects. Oh! I forgot one major thing! I will be radio-active for six days! Six days? Adults can't be within arms length for more than 30minutes and children can come within six feet (with the exception of the occasional hug, he said). Please imagine keeping my 7 year old away from me like that. Funny.......they both will be shipped off......far, far away. Glennwood sounds good........I think we should save our money on fireworks, instead putting me on the roof for all the kids to see. Look at me.....I'm glowing!
After I recuperate from this, he will take me back in to ablate the small tumor. This is where they stick a needle the size of Texas through my belly to the liver and ultimately the tumor, and heat it to some ungodly temperature (100-140 Celsius) to kill it. Zap! Don't have a date for this yet, nor the surgery. Will keep you posted. Have a wonderful Fourth of July.....Be safe out there.

big day with big news

2010-06-30T17:13:00.000-07:00

It was a big day for me and the last thing I needed was to wake up at four in the morning with a temperature of 101.4. grrrrr......or brrrrr. My teeth were chattering when I finally climbed in the shower.
My first appointment was at 8:00am. Apparently my head was in a cloud because we left the door wide open when we left. We met with Dr. Kortz, theeee surgeon. We receive a plethora of information from him but ultimately came to the conclusion that my entire right lobe of my liver needs to be removed and he will want my right lobe hit with syruspheres (not sure if I spelled that correctly, but who cares at this point) before hand to try to shrink the tumor some more. That way they can get clean margins when they do the surgery. Can't give any dates for anything at this point but I will keep you posted.

Quick updates

2010-06-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

I have to say, some of your responses are pretty dang funny. Every day is a good day when you can laugh!
This morning I met with my genetic counselor and had more genetic testing done. She will call with results. Seems like I am spending a lot of time waiting for results lately......but to be honest with you, the wait is ok. I am just trying to enjoy some summer activities with the family and that is all I can ask for.
Yesterday I took the kids to Mount Evens. It was a regular zoo up there! Saw a heard of elk, mountain goats, big horn sheep and plenty of marmots. Unfortunately Saige suffered from altitude sickness and barfed several times and the wind was too cold for me to climb to the top. My nose went numb and my fingers were acting up regardless of the beautiful weather.
Pray for next week.....lots going on and many plans to be made!

pet scan day

2010-06-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Can I just say one thing? I am totally exhausted! I went for my PET scan early this morning and received an @#$ chewing from the scheduler for being five minutes late. Really? Come on! Low and behold.....they were running late anyway! I happily drank my barium since I was starving and then was finally escorted out to the trailer. The tech hit me with the crazy lead covered syringe full of radium.....or something and then left me there. A new tech came in to deliver a new set of two single doses of radium crud. I watched this with awwww. The 2 vials were encased in lead cylinders which were placed in a lead box that was maybe 12" by 12" and weighed 50 pounds......what the?!!! Learning something new every day on this journey. At 10:38am I called John to let him know I was on my way home and I was starving so we met at Red Robyn and had lunch....the barium just didn't cut it. Oh yah! I got a nealasta shot today as well. It stung like a hornets sting and left my iliac crests throbbing!
I did get the kids outside. Took them to the park and then Chatfield to swim for a while....it was good for the kids. I got home at 4:30pm and crashed. Going to bed early....Love ya all!

Remain confident.....hummff!

2010-06-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

It was a nice day, but I am still struggling with nausea and hand pain. I am quickly growing tired of both.......I have spent a great deal of the day reflecting on life. It is strange to not know exactly what is to come. Kinda sad really. I have come up with many ideas, although I can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that chemo is done. At least one of my tumors still lives with in me, so why do we stop chemo now? Has it stopped working....do they believe they can't do anything more for me? What is the next step? This has played some funky games with my psyche! I am truly afraid to meet these other doctors. Will I be meet with the same eyes of hope? John says that I need to remain confident and strong and we will get through this. Remain confident and strong? I feel as though the true core of my confidence went out the window at 10:45am Black Friday. Ever since then, my will and confidence has been directly carried by God and You. I thank you for that. Keep praying....I need it more now than ever! Oh! I am going to post a picture of the dunes: one of the hike to the top and then the sun set over them from our camper.

enduring last cemo!

2010-06-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

So, I ended up have chemo on Wednesday and i have been sleeping since then. Once again....my fingers aren't working well and they hurt.....oh well! Here is the new plan:
June 21st-PET scan
June 24th-genetic counseling and more blood work
June 30th-PET scan results
June 30th-meeting with Dr.Kortz (he's the guy that will do the surgery on me to remove the tumors left in the liver)
July 2nd-meeting withe Dr. Nutting to see of the syriouspheres would be the next best option. (this is a form of radiation to the liver tumors)
That's it for know.....ouch......pray for clarity!
love ya all

rain, rain go away!

2010-06-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

It's raining again.....I hate the rain and I hate the cold even more. This rain and cold makes my fingers hurt, my feet numb and just plain sucks the life out of me. I am so tired......all the time. I am praying for one good, sunny, warm day before I am knocked on my $#@ from chemo. There is one good thing coming from this rain. My grass and flowers look the best they have in......well, ever!
Things have not changed from my last post. Plan on chemo on Wednesday and PET scan 2 weeks from there. Then 4-6 weeks off before next treatment. I have to say, I am very nervous for that time off. i guess I am afraid my tumors will grow without treatment or more will develop. Pray that doesn't happen.
My kids started VBS today. Amazing to watch those little ones worship with crazy love! Warmed my heart. Have a great day!

Happy days are here again!

2010-06-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

I know....it's been a while. I was down for the count till Saturday and expected the Neulasta to keep me down with bone pain, but.....it didn't! I had lower back pain from it a couple of times but it was manageable with advil. After Fridays infusion of additional fluids and additional anti-nausea medication I started to rebound. So, on Sunday we decided to take an impromptu vacation to the sand dunes. If you have not been to the dunes, I highly recommend it! Probably the most beautiful place ever! Just so you know, I rock! We all climbed to the top of the High Dune. It took us about two hours. I wore a long sleeve shirt, sunscreen, hat and gloves. Unfortunately, I neglected my legs. At the end of the hike my legs were not only beat up by the sand but by the sun as well! Ouch! It was well worth it though. Get out there and enjoy our great state people! That is all I gotta say!

bad chemo, bad chemo

2010-06-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently a new fancy drug came our.......according to the last string of comments! I am going for it......it's gotta be good stuff, right? I went in today, mostly to get my neulastan shot. My neutrophils were 0.80 and my white count was 2.6. Also, I needed some major hydration and some anti-nausea medicine. Not holding much down these days.....
New plan of action: I should have chemo on the 16th assuming all blood work comes back ok and then next PET scan is going to be 2 weeks from that. Then I will be referred out to a surgeon or an interventional radiologist for a form of radiation treatment. seems to change everytime I blog.
BTW, MRI came back negative for anything worrisome. Praise Jusus for that. Everytime I nod, I get zingers down the fron of my legs and my back has been acting up....but no tumers! Love goes out to you all!

very bad blogger

2010-06-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

Bad blogger....bad blogger! The past week has turned out be a busy one. Worked a couple of princess shifts, went to the pool with my girls a couple of times, and just plain had a great week! Yesterday I went into RMCC and received my 11th dose of chemo.....threw up a few times there and then again at home. GRRRR! I have to go back in on Friday to get a shot of neulastin and be disconnected. I was dreading the shot but new in my heart it was going to come. My next chemo should be on the 16th then my PET scan will be a week later and then we will have our discussion of what is next.
I have been having some back pain that wraps it's way around my ribs. Makes breathing difficult....Also, when I nod my head (chin to chest) I get a zinger goes down my shins and a cross the top of my feet. So, we had an MRI done of my spine for questionable growth. Pray that there is nothing major happening.
I am nauseated now.....chat more later!

Greetings!

2010-05-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been so long. Thursday I went in to have my platelets checked because of some bruising, bloody noses and bleeding gums. I had planned to go to Glenwood Springs for weeks now and they didn't want me to go till it was clear I didn't need a transfusion of platelets. My platelets were at 46,000, no need for a transfusion and clear to hit the road! Yay!
It was so nice to see my friends and get out of town. We all had such a great time and I can't wait to go back! The kids played so hard that Saige slept the whole way home and then went straight to bed. I had to wake her this morning. I woke up knowing full well that I would need a nap today.....but it was well worth it!
I am actually going to work tomorrow....can't wait! It will be so nice to see everyone and have a day where I feel productive! There is only so much house work a girl can handle.......the nice thing about it is, my dryer dries on one cycle and I can cook in my oven again. YAY!
By the way, I think my tumors are shrinking. I can so feel it! I get chemotherapy next Wednesday and then on the 16th....assuming my platelets hold tight(little buggers). Then a PET scan. We will adjust our plan of attack according to the PET scan. I will keep you posted. Keep the prayers coming!

Good News!

2010-05-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

We have some really great news! I got a phone call from my personal genetic counselor and the results of the Lynch testing is in! Everything came back NEGATIVE! Praise Jesus! They are doing additional testing for the sake of my children......but so far, so good.
It started raining about an hour ago which is effecting my fingers in a bad way. So, I am keeping this short and sweet. Have a great day.....I know I am!

Brain cell count is DOWN!

2010-05-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

So, I am 6 days out from my treatment and I am experiencing lengthier side effects this time. If it is sunny out, my hands don't hurt nearly as much(as long as I am sitting in it and it is not windy...), but if there is even an inkling of cloud cover, I have to wear my mittens. I am beginning to wonder if this is a psychological issue and I am just jonesen for summer as much as everyone else. I don't know, but I do know one thing for sure, I am suffering from chemo-brain. You can tell me something at noon and by dinner I forget! It is driving me crazy! I know I have a lot on my mind, but.....for crying out loud I am really delayed. This is an actual phenomenon! There are books out there that tell me I am going to be stupid for the rest of my life! I think I need to go back to school to rev up my neurons. I appreciate the fact that many of you are still attempting to have conversations with me and I am sorry I am soooooo very slow and forgetful! It makes for a great giggle now and then!
If you remember correctly, I mentioned that my platelets were very low at 63 and are probably lower today with my chemo peak. I am finding little surprises all up and down my legs called bruises. I know......very technical. My gums are bleeding every time I brush my teeth.....delicious! And my nose.....OK, we don't have to go there. Regardless of all this, I feel strong and positive. My next chemo session is on the 2nd of June and then the 16th. My PET scan should be about that time as well. Super Doc said he plans on referring me out at that time to the next Super Doc and we will begin our next plan of attack. Keep you all posted!

Lovin' the chemo

2010-05-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I am surviving this round of chemo symptoms. My hands and feet hurt worse than yesterday but I only barfed once today....so far. There is an angel out there who sent me electric hand and feet warmers. I put the feet warmers on and it is like instant relief and the hand warmers sit on either side of my thighs so I can type and warm, type and warm again. Great little system I've got going on here! I am incapable of writing thank you cards....mostly because of my hands and partially because it brings too many emotions to the surface. Never mind the fact that it would take me till the year 3000 to get them all written. But in most cases I am at least able to thank everyone for their kindness and generosity in person. So, how do you thank a secret angel? Hmmm. I am so amazed at how God has blessed me through all of you!

Quick up date...Papa Rich will be going through more tests this week and next. The first lab test/biopsy done on questionable cancer cells/tumor cells came back inconclusive. Right now they are calling him a stage 3a which gives him better odds at fighting this. I believe that miracles are already happening in his crazy old body! Love you Rich! More prayers and love coming your way!

chemo 11 continued!

2010-05-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

Chemo was on for yesterday. Feeling yucky today but will gt though. I don't go back till the 2nd of June...hopefully that will bring my platelets up a bit. They were down to 63......slightly low huh? My finger hurt and I am very tired and nauseated. I am going to nap now. Later!

chemo or not to chemo?

2010-05-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

I believe I will have chemo tomorrow....we will see. I have my brain wrapped around it at this point and I am sure I will be disappointed if I don't. Staying on track is so important to me right now even if I am truly tired of dealing with chemo symptoms. The only reason I would not have chemo is if my platelets are too low and at this point I think they are OK. It's in my gut I tell you!

It is the snow storm that is going to send me to a padded room. My fingers are numb at the tips and my hands are very reactive to the cold......any cold for that matter. The storm is only pissing off my fingers, just so ya know! I know.....get out the heating pad and quit your whining! I'm tyring....I really am. I will keep you posted! Love out to you all!

Happpy Mothers day!

2010-05-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

There is always that nagging thought in the back of my measly brain wondering if I am going to be around for the next....in this case, Mothers Day. It makes for an interesting day. I am finding myself taking in everything around me. Watching how others interact, smile, laugh. Watching other mommies hugging their children was especially special to me, and how they looked up at their mommies with toothless grins and pride. What more can one ask for? I, personally, have been blessed with wonderful girls. I am so proud of their accomplishment it can bring me to tears. I truly believe that being a Mom is the best thing in the world!

On this day I am in need for prayer for my own mother. Pray for strength for what she is enduring. She is not only dealing with the uncertainty of a daughter and her cancer, but recently has been delivered yet another blow. Her wonderful husband and friend has been diagnosed with lung and throat cancer. They are now beginning their own battle at home. Upon hearing this news I have come to the realization that it may actually be harder on the loved ones around. I have to say, I found more sadness in knowing what they are about to go through than the reality of what I am dealing with. Please pray for healing....for both of them.

Thank you!

2010-05-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

Feelin' so good today! Do I really have cancer? hmmm.....Well, fingers are still acting up although bearable......it is annoying and the wind rips up my nose. What is with this wind anyway? If I wanted to live in Cheyenne I would move there.

I have to take yet another sappy moment.......It was a very difficult chemo session. However, every time I come out of hiding I seem to constantly get smacked in the face with huge amounts of encouragement, love and support! I am aware that many people doubted I would live past 6 months. Just so you know...it has been six months! Something to celebrate! And you know why I am doing so well? Because love heals! I am probably the luckiest person on the face of the earth. I know that sounds crazy considering I have massive tumors on my liver, but think about it!I have the best husband(sorry guys, but I do), I have the greatest kids, worlds cutest dog and cat and by far the most loving friends!......oh ya, and God is on my side! Thank you all for lifting me up and caring for me when I am knocked down by chemo and life itself. Love goes out to you!

Mother knows best....

2010-05-01T16:14:00.000-07:00

Remember that saying? Sometimes it is actually true......Because my hands hurt soooooo very bad this session, John said, "I am going to Walmart to get you a heating pad for your hands." Ok. My mom had suggested that when she was here in December........I just couldn't justify spending money on a stupid heating pad. I am pretty cheap when it comes to things like this. Thank God John thought it was important! I am able to warm them under the computer and then actually type a few sentences. Pretty cool, I think. Ok mom....that's enough. If you pull on your ear lobe your ego-air will release and your head will shrink back to normal.....:) Glad I have a slew of loved ones looking out for my best interest.......half the time I don't even know what I need. It's the truth. Nausea has subsided to the point that I am looking forward to dinner. I have found that I can heat up my new red mittens under the pad and actually walk all the way to the bathroom with little hand pain. Yay!

short but sweet

2010-05-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

Keeping this one short since i have to type with the back of my right thumb nail. Fingers hurt really bad, making everything challenging. I continue to have quite a bit nausea and i am vomitting more this time. Nothing tastes good.....can't cover up metal shavings of the mouth! My feet hurt pretty bad too. I just have to remind myself that it is working, therefore well worth it. Thumb nail is calling it quits....later.

feeling pretty yucky

2010-04-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

Went in yesterday hoping we were done with chemo......wishful thinking! PET scan results were good...but not good enough. They want to do four more round of chemo and then another PET scan. Been doing a lot of sleeping this round and very nauseated. About the PET scan. The one tumor that was not visible the last time s now considered gone. The one then is in the left lobe started at 5cm, went to 2.5cm and is now 9mm with zero sugar uptake. The large one on my right lobe is shrinking but not quite ready for resecting. Disappointing bet not surprising....I suppose.

Are you kidding me?!

2010-04-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went with the family and sisters to hike up the flat irons to the Royal Arch. It was an amazing hike.....highly recommended! It is two miles in and two miles out with 1400 feet elevation gain....rough on the quads but I did it! It seemed to be an amazing accomplishment...for everyone! Then we went to Mountain Sun Pub for dinner and I had my first beer in a looooong time. I think I drank a total of a 16oz and was loooooopy! That night, when I went to bed, I realized my PET sacn was in the morning. I am not supposed to do any exercise WHAT SO EVER the day before a PET scan. What a doober I am! So, I went this morning and told the receptionist to talk to the scanner dude and let him know I did the hike. They asked, "Was it a nice afternoon stroll or and actual hike hike?" I informed them I climbed 1400 feet in a matter of two miles and then had to hike out......my legs are sore. They informed the scanner dude. The scanner dude informed the radiologist (who was not happy) and they all came to the waiting area to let me know that we would go ahead with the scan. Yay! I drank my barium, they then injected me with the medicine that makes my tumors glow then I was informed that I could not move a single muscle for one hour......that's 60 minutes! When was the last time you saw me sit still for 60 minutes? I wasn't even aloud to read my book (turning the pages was too strenuous I guess). Afterward, I went to lunch then shopping at REI(bought nothing) and then back to see Dr. Blake for my post-op appointment. We talked about many things that are going on with my body (I will save you the details) and then we talked about seeing a geneticist to be tested for Lynch syndrome because of my family history and age of diagnoses. They will test me for three specific genes and if one of them occur in me then my whole family will need to be tested and my preventative care will change DRAMATICALLY! Once again, I will not bore you with details but this Lynch syndrome is only a precursor to more cancer......are you kidding me?! Fortunately, as few as 5% of colon cancer patients carry one of these genes. I am not going to be one of those.....
Went to see Date Night tonight with my sister.....laughed so hard almost peed my pants. It is now 10:29 pm....cat is sleeping, dog is crashed and so should I. Love out to you all!

Read warning first-tough read.

2010-04-21T15:03:00.001-07:00

I will pre-warn all of you.....I am going to talk about a couple of books in this blog. So if you are an avid reader, don't read this. I plan on giving the end away on both of them....or at least a big chunk of it.

So, I read this book called The Last Song (a lovely gift from a couple of friends) and did fine till the last 30 pages or so. It took me four days just to get through those since it is imposable to read through tears. The father in the story dies from cancer......Then, I read another book called Leota's Garden and in the end the dear, sweet grandmother starts to die from cancer. Gettin the theme? Now, my girls and I have a tradition. Since season one of the Biggest Loser we have curled up on the couch and watched it together. We would pick teams and cheer for them. Anyone watch it last night? If you haven't, stop reading here. Oneal's brother passed away because of cancer. While he was explaining this Saige (my six year old) looked straight at me and asked me where he was. Sierra said, "Heaven." Saige asked if he was coming back. Sierra said he died from cancer and is not coming back. During this time tears just streamed down my face and I couldn't speak or breathe. She just got it......She then looked at me with those big brown eyes and asked me if I was going to die. Thanks a lot Biggest Loser. Could have used some warning! Would have taken the girls to Mr. Biggs or the pool or Sate City. Any place but here......that's for sure.
Don't worry. I regained composer and was able to have my heart to heart with my six year old about cancer, mommy's medicine and how we (meaning God, mommy and super doc)are NOT going to let that happen! WOW! Needing prayers for Saige today. Thank you...

2010-04-19T19:05:00.000-07:00

Who is ready for summer? .....I am! What a beautiful day today was. I am sooo very tired but content and at peace right now. Had some nausea this morning but was able to contain it with food and Ativan. Enjoyed a doggy play date.....I mean Bailey enjoyed it. She is passed out right now. The adult company was really good too! Then went to dinner with some very good friends. Ate like there was no tomorrow.

I have to take a moment here to say a heart felt thank you from myself and the family. Everyday I realize how blessed I am. Thank you for the meals, thoughtful cards, help with my house-hold chores, laundry, extra care for my children. I could go on and on and on. Most importantly I am so grateful for all the prayers. I feel the Lord has been walking this journey with me.....every step of the way. I am just so thankful my prayer worriers remind Him that I continue to need Him.

My sister is coming out this weekend. We plan on partying like rock stars! Right......maybe more like old girl and cancer chick. But it should be fun! Love to you all!

interesting day...

2010-04-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

Been kinda cooped up and was bound and determined to get out of the house. Woke up this morning....kinda late(8:30am) and came down for breakfast. First thing first, nausea hit, treated it with compozine. Then I was pleasantly surprised by my post chemo diarrhea. If you would have turned me upside down it would be just like visiting Old Faithful! Took some Imodium to remedy that. In addition, my hands and feet are on FIRE! Well, I showered( I know major accomplishment) and took my kids to Walmart. I know, crazy. We shopped for a starter bra for my ten year old....hee, hee and got haircuts. Later, we took the kids to see the Toothe Fairy......fairly cute movie. Came home, napped and took more nausea medication. Now I am going back to bed.....nighty night.

Good news again, give me more!

2010-04-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

I try to blog the day of chemo......but chemo did not end so well. Nausea and hand pain started half way into the oxolaplatin. I had great company...unfortunately she had to talk to me through a pink emesis bucket.....yumm, yumm! When she arrived at my house all I could think was that if I gave her a hundred dollars, maybe she will head west instead of east. I actually wanted to play hooky from chemo....top down, sun beaming. Granted, we did hear some good news yesterday. My CEA's went down to 8.8.....yay! But so did my platelets and white count. We scheduled a PET scan for the 26th and may decide to go with a more direct approach to handle these tumors, therefore nixing the chemo. Lets all pray this will be the plan.....chemo is kicking my @$$. That's it from this end....tootles!

hello!

2010-04-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

I had trouble making dinner(because of the cold sensitivity) but was perfectly able to mow the lawn. How ridiculous is that? I am going to work tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how my fingers react to all the activity and hand washing. I hope it all goes well......I am feeling well and not looking forward to chemo on Wednesday.. ....It is interesting how the cancer doesn't seem to effect me, it's the chemo that shuts me down. At least I think that is how it is working. During the time that I feel well, I just want to squeeze in so much: spend time with family and friends, enjoy the sun on my face, watch the flowers grow, go to work.....I hope my girls remember the good days more than the yucky ones. This blog has turned into a good reflection of what we are going through. I have started printing it off for them in hopes they will remember this time in a positive light. I suppose it will help.....thanks for listening to all my babble!

I am still here....

2010-04-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

I can not believe how long it has been since my last post! I am soooooo very sorry! Since my last post I have started a Restoration Yoga class two days a month, spent a lot of time sitting on my front porch reading my book and finally enlisted a friend to come over and help me with some "cold" cleaning and another to make me super healing soup. My pitty party was short lived yet therapeutic and the comments made by all of you have been uplifting and well appreciated. The tips of my fingers are still numb but the don't hurt as much.....interestingly enough my lips are numb as well and crunch up into a pucker when they touch something too cold. That is a mighty pretty picture! Never mind the fact that I am craving Otter Pops! Walgreen's has called me three times for refills on my compazine......I have not turned them down! So, now I have extra in case they ever run out again.....Ha! I still have hair and actually need a hair cut, unfortunately my scalp has become very sensitive.......not sure if I trust anyone to be combing and cutting my hair at this point......I wear a hat often because the front has thinned out so much my scalp gets sunburned easily. Gratefully, I am feeling very strong! Not to jinx myself but, I am certain my cancer is melting away. I go for chemo this Wednesday and will receive my results from my CEA's and then will plan my next Pet Scan. The girls and John are doing great and seem to be taking things in stride. While Saige was at a birthday party Sierra and I went shopping for summer clothes. It was nice mommy/daughter time. Sierra said she wants to go to San Diego this summer. I told her this summer may be filled with Colorado weekenders and chemo so San Diego will have to wait. She actually said, "I don't like you having cancer and having to go for chemo every other week..........it gets in the way of our vacation time." I laughed so hard my tumors fell out! I have been saying that all along.....sure does get in the way of MY social time! Love to you all!

My pitty party

2010-04-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

Not sure why.....but I am down in the dumps today. My fingers still hurt and for some reason I started feeling nauseated again after lunch. Also, today's cold wind sends shooting pain through my nostrils and sinus area. Maybe that is why my nose is bleeding more today than normal? Normal. Ha! I would probably start crying right now just to get it off my chest......unfortunately, my tears cause severe pain around my eyeballs. Neuropathy of the eyeball......that's pretty funny. Maybe not. Now I just sound like a big whiner.......I want to go back to Moab. Maybe I need to go to work......oh, wait. My fingers cramp around writing utensils. Taking report would be quite the challenge. OK. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am going to find something productive to do........

we're gettin back to norm

2010-04-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

Things are getting better here. I was able to hook up with a girlfriend for lunch and then a nice walk at Red Rocks. The weather was to die for! Seriously! If you were stuck inside.....I am sooooo very sorry! The cold sensitivity continues to linger in the fingers and throat....although it continues to improve each and every day. I was thrilled to be able to wear my Easter dress to church and brunch on Sunday. I had blue knit gloves with snow flakes on them.....that seemed to match my dress perfectly!
I am surprisingly very tired tonight. I am waiting for the bath hog (Sierra) to get out so I can get in and soak. And then maybe some reading. I have had to hold off for a few days on reading since it hurt my hands too much just to hold up a book up. So, tonights the night! Later!

rough week....

2010-04-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

can't post much. i am typing with right pinky finger because hands hurt too bad. i had rough couple of days. meds were changed w/o my knowledge.....not helping the nausea and just making me sleep....waking up still very nauseated. went in for tune up at rocky mountain cancer center since i wasn't eating or drinking. hoping today will show improvements. after searching the city....we are able to get my compozine pills.....more to come

Feeling pretty crappy

2010-04-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

I will have to keep this very short. My hands hurt so much and I am really nauseated. My doctor prescribed Phenergan instead of my usual Compazine for my nausea. It works as long as I am asleep. I have been asleep almost all day.......and I plan on getting to bed soon. I think I have to chat with the Doctor about this..... this is definitely a 180 degree turn from Thursday. Yuck!

Moab Rocks!

2010-03-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

We had a great (cancer free) weekend! We did a lot of jeepin', swimming, and a small amount of hiking in there! The jeeping scared the tumors out of me and I thought for sure we were going to role the thing! Fortunately, the only damage I received from the craziness was a broken nail and sun burnt toes! The only reason we returned to Denver was because I forgot to order up my anti emetics and to prepare for chemo tomorrow. How is it I go from playing on the sand hills with my girls to having chemo and feeling like crap again. How strange it is to feel cancer free for only a few days! Good ole fashion family time.....just what the doctor ordered! Pray for a smooth treatment tomorrow.

A grrr moment....

2010-03-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in such a funk I chose not to blog. I didn't have anything good to say....can you believe that? John says I have a right to be grumpy, irritable and sad atleast one day out of the month......and I haven't even utilized those! I don't agree with him. There have been many nights I have kept him up till 3 or 4 with my worries. They should count for something......John had a stomach bug causing the works including the temperature and it set me into a complete tizzy. It is not like he went out to a public place and said, " Ok now, someone needs to barf all over me so I can get sick and bring it home to my wife." The truth of it all is it scared me to death! My white count was sitting at a 3 on Friday and I am now hitting my Nader point in my chemo which causes that to drop more. So, if I caught a stomach flu at this point it would put me in the hospital. Now we all know how much I love staying in the hospital.....especially over spring breaks and holidays. I didn't want to make this a habit, ya know? The germx came out, mask and gloves went on, and Lysol came out. John kindly stayed in one room of the house using only one restroom in attempt to make the rest of the house safe for me. And I started to clean. Interesting how much I get done when I am not happy about something.....it's therapeutic. John is off to work today and feeling much better and I am calmer. What more can I ask for? Oh! I know! A weekend away with the family? If everything goes smooth, we are going to Moab for 2 nights to enjoy the sun and do alittle hiking. I can't wait! I need a break from this cancer and this is just the thing. Don't worry....I'll be back for chemo on Wednesday.......if you're lucky! ;)

Long time, no post...

2010-03-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

I know it has been quite a few days since my last post. I have a good excuse for that......my fingers hurt too much to type. Lame, but true. So, here is a quick breakdown of chemo week from $%#@.
Wednesday-came home from chemo and went down hill quick. Very nausiated...
Thursday-comtinued to be very nausiated. Neuropathy beginning to set in. Only in my hands this time(praise God on that one)!
Friday-woke up with a refreshing sinus infection(that's what I thought, anyway). It continued to get worse with shooting pain behind my left eye. I called my oncologist to see if they wanted to start antibiotics and Advil sinus/cold. he said "No. Go to the ER. " "What? Really? Come on!" Apparently when you are receiving chemo and you come down with any unusual ailment.....you go to the ER. What a waisted Friday evening.... I felt absolutely silly telling them I was there for a sinus infection and shooting pain behind my eye and they looked at me like I was crazy or something. Which I am, but that's beside the point. Then we talked chemo and everything started to move quickly. After a head cat scan, eye pressure exam, blood cultures and all kinds of other blood work....I was sent home with Antibiotics for a sinus infection. Hmmmm.
Saturday-ER called to see if I would come in for a follow up. How many ER's do that? I said no. My eye pain switch to my right and my nose continued to ruuuuun! I told them I could handle that and nothing more. Hands hurt like %$#@. So, I started wearing big, fat, ugly black mittens to control the pain. Lovely.
Sunday-Nausea is gone with the help of drugs and Pregipops. Woo hoo! Hands still hurt and mittens remain on. I love these mittens.
Monday-sinus infection rages on and fingers still tingle. Oh well! Yet another chemo therapy done! That is a blessing in itself.

Yay chemo day!

2010-03-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

Blast those tumors! Unfortunately, I lost those three pounds I worked so hard for during the session before. I guess I need to go back to the buffets for lunch......and Super Salad does NOT count. Everything else looked good including lab work. Chemo went well today! I had a nice lunch date and got my but whopped in Yahtzee! Can you believe that? She didn't let me win! And then I took a little snoozer. My cramps settled in just as quickly as normal. My hand and foot pain came early.......maybe it will end early? There is always hope. I have nose bleeds every single morning and some in the afternoon......just had one that is what made me think of it! Strangely so, I never shared this with my nurse or doctor until today. I almost considered it as a normal part of my life and not a side effect. Isn't that strange? Avastin can cause severe bleeding.....probably should have shared earlier. I got busted though. Last chemo session I wanted to go to a movie and my pump started to do it's chirping thing. It chirps LOW before the final screech. We were at Target when that started. I said, "Lets go home to disconnect this pump so it doesn't go off during the movie. " It chirped a couple more times, I disconnected it, flushed my line and disposed of my sharp then off to the movie. Today I asked my nurse how long it generally chirps before the final screech and she said about 2 hours. I told her the story and she said, " We already kinda new you disconnected early...." What? There were 4cc's left in the pump meaning at least 2 hours of infusion. They checked. Oh......ok. I guess I better be on my best behavior from now on! Signing off! Love you all!

Lifes irony

2010-03-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

Hey! Sorry I have not posted in a few days. I have been keeping very busy trying to get some work things done, enjoying my family and friends, and playing in the sun. I feel like I have to squeeze in so much before I get chemo-drain again. This chemo thing is definitely botching my social calendar! I am not looking forward to being knocked down for five days, but it sure is easier knowing it is WORKING! Bye bye tumors!
By the way, I have to share some irony. The other day an old friend spontaneously stopped by with her two little boys. All three walked in carrying three different types of cactus's. I really enjoyed the visit and loved catching up with normal family life crap. After they left, I sat and looked at the cactus's. It was captivating! I could totally "relate" to the cactus's. What is wrong with me? I stared at those prickly, poky little things and thought how well they represented my journey. All three different sizes......one actually the size and shape of a softball.....hmmmmm. I thought to myself, "I would have a better chance killing the tumors than these cactus's!" HA! :) On each cactus there was some sort of flower blooming through the poky, spiny things. Those flowers seemed to represent......something. I am not sure. But I kept looking at them thinking how amazing they were. They bloomed so beautiful through such a treacherous landscape and all I could think was that I hope I can do the same. That's all it is really.....just landscape.

Wow! What a day!

2010-03-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

It is simply amazing how even great news can wear you out. I woke up yesterday focused on trying to clean my house. An hour into it I actually cried realizing how much I had let it go....sorry to those who have had to be exposed to my filth. Then I trudged forth and got quite a bit done. You can come over now! ;) But where did those tears come from? I think I just finally let the news sink in and realized that I am going to live another day.....to clean my house :) which is OK to me. By 11:00 I crashed from exhaustion so I showered thinking it would rejuvenate me. Instead it relaxed me and I HAD to take a nap! When I woke up I took the kids to the Ridge to swim and I hit the therapy pool for a half hour of exercise......water aerobics here I come! I think those ladies would actually whoop all over me I am so slow and weak! grrrrrr! Just give me some more time....Today I worked some more on work stuff and did my BLS recert, then went for lunch with a friend. What a beautiful day it is! The kids came home thinking they could turn the TV on. HA! I locked them outside and told them to play. They asked with what? The dirt.......just don't dig up my tulips. I am so ready for summer!

Results Day

2010-03-10T16:11:00.000-08:00

I went to work this morning to attempt to get caught up on all my competencies and skills fair stuff. It is always great to see everyone and I feel so accomplished today. But i am sure that is not why you are reading this right now. At 1:15 John and I went to see the doctor. The gal who checked me in was very pleased to see I gained two pounds (so was I) and that my vitals signs were all good. She then took us to our room and we sat.....and sat and while we sat I ate my lunch. Once my tummy was pleasantly full, theeee doctor poked his head in and said, "I am so backed up with patients today.....would you mind if we schedule this for two weeks out?" I said, "Nooooooooo way! Get your butt in hear!" We had a decent chuckle and then he continued to tell me that he couldn't be more pleased about the results. I said, "Really?" He said, "Really!" My smallest tumor was MIA (which is ok with me....bye!). My middle size tumor has shrunk by 55% and the sugar uptake has decreased by 75%(which means he is starving to death.....hee, hee). And the monster tumor has shrunk by 35% and the sugar uptake by 50% (not feeling sorry for him either). I am so grateful for all the prayers out there. God is great and merciful. As far as I am concerned, what has been happening in my life is nothing short of a miracle! Praise Him!

ey ey ey! the waiting game sucks

2010-03-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

I have never considered myself an anxious person. I have never thought I could feel this way. Waiting for PET scan results have reeked havoc on my psyche.....I feel like I have a knot in my chest that can only be untied by two words, "It's working!" I meet with theeee doctor tomorrow at 1:30pm. I actually called them today thinking they could squeeze me in just so they could elevate MY anxiety........that's pretty funny since they rarely run on time for a normally scheduled appointment. Unfortunately it was not possible(imagine that). Don't worry....you will be the first to know!

Lets catch up!

2010-03-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

As you all know, I had chemo on Wednesday and all around it went well. On Thurday I woke up with cramps in my legs so severe they went up through my hamstrings....youch! So, I said, lets go walk Red Rocks stairs and see if this will help(ambisious). My first hike up the cold air attacked my throat causing me to sit and breath through my hands to warm it up. It was a little scary since I couldn't breathe normal and I could hear a touch of strider going on....I suppose that would scare anyone in their right mind! I made it to the top and was able to do two more treks up the stairs(right along with the snails). The good news is I think it actually helped with my leg cramps and I no longer needed to walk like a grandma although my hands continued to behave like they belonged to that grandma.......Granted, I was in bed by 8pm that night. Friday I woke up with severe swelling and burning on the soles of my feet and palms of my hands. Holy cow did that hurt! Nothing seemed to help. My finger were the size of my thighs and the palms/soles were a raging red. On top of the burning they itched....not a good combo that is for sure! The pain in my toes woke me in the middle of the night several times limiting my REM. Good thing I don't get too cranky due to lack of sleep......do I?hmmmm. There were signs of improvement today. They are still red, yet less swollen unfortunately they continue to sting. On top of that I have been nauseated off and on and my mouth tastes like @#$. I knew I was truly home bound for the evening when I started my bout of chemo induced d$%rrh&*. Oh ya....I'm going there! John asked,"is this normal?" "define normal...", I said.

Burn baby burn

2010-03-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in a few day, but, my hands hurt really bad this round. They are swollen and red and feel like they are on fire all the time....and so are my feet! argh!!!

When my hands feel better I will give you a run down on how this chemo session went.

signing off....

chemo 5

2010-03-03T16:44:00.000-08:00

My fingers are cramping already, so I'll do the best i can. On one hand today sucked. It was beautiful outside and I was stuck inside being infused with crap that is inevitably going to make me feel like crap. On the other hand my heart to heart with the PA and doctor went very well. They both informed me that it will be handled and they were saddened to hear these things were happening. Then they set me up with a nurse that came with flying colors! She was awesome, awesome, awesome. Not one complaint with her.....ok, one. She doesn't work everyday I am there....humf! wait...fingers cramping now....ok, I am back;). I am very tired and plan on crashing early tonight. Hands cramping ...later.

beautiful day!

2010-03-02T16:27:00.000-08:00

Today was the very first day that I have really felt great since my last round of chemo, and what a day for it! If you didn't get outside to enjoy this weather, I am coming over to slap you! I walked Clement park, ate lunch on a patio and marched Red Rocks stairs! I move slow, but at least I was moving. I sat at the bottom for a little bit to enjoy the sun and thought, "What a contrast this very moment is to what tomorrow holds for me." I think my face is sun burned :) so, what am I grateful for? Colorado sun and Good Times frech fries! I really believe this round will go better than the last two. It couldn't be worse, could it? I beefed up on huge caloric intake and am staying well hydrated. I am SURE I put on weight this week and will try hard not to lose it. I also plan on having a heart to heart with my doctor about the extra symptoms that knocked me down and the issues in the infusion room. No more chemo spills, air bubbles and poor pump settings! Hope you all had a wonderful day as well!

PET scan

2010-03-01T09:39:00.000-08:00

I got up at six am and took a shower. Dressed in PET scan appropriate clothing and removed all my jewelry. John and I drove down to Sky Ridge for the scan...boy was I hungry! When we got to the cancer center I banged on the door (the cancer center wasn't open yet) and they let me in. Once I signed in they took me to the back to access my port and draw some blood then to a room to start drinking my barium. Half way through the barium a tech came into the room to tell me the scanner was down and to not drink the barium.....hmmmmm. So now what? We went out to the desk to reschedule (on the verge of tears) for the 8th of March and then to have my port disconnected. Sat down in the chair and the tech came over and pulled the needle out as I took a very anxious deep breathe. The tech said, "What?" And I said....."Aren't you supposed to heparinize that first?" So, she stuck my chest with a needle again just to heparinize my port.....I came home so very irritated. And what do we do best when we are irritated? We clean.....Saige is in for a doozy when she comes home. Her room has been officially purged!