Moab Rocks!

We had a great (cancer free) weekend! We did a lot of jeepin', swimming, and a small amount of hiking in there! The jeeping scared the tumors out of me and I thought for sure we were going to role the thing! Fortunately, the only damage I received from the craziness was a broken nail and sun burnt toes! The only reason we returned to Denver was because I forgot to order up my anti emetics and to prepare for chemo tomorrow. How is it I go from playing on the sand hills with my girls to having chemo and feeling like crap again. How strange it is to feel cancer free for only a few days! Good ole fashion family time.....just what the doctor ordered! Pray for a smooth treatment tomorrow.

A grrr moment....

Yesterday I was in such a funk I chose not to blog. I didn't have anything good to say....can you believe that? John says I have a right to be grumpy, irritable and sad atleast one day out of the month......and I haven't even utilized those! I don't agree with him. There have been many nights I have kept him up till 3 or 4 with my worries. They should count for something......John had a stomach bug causing the works including the temperature and it set me into a complete tizzy. It is not like he went out to a public place and said, " Ok now, someone needs to barf all over me so I can get sick and bring it home to my wife." The truth of it all is it scared me to death! My white count was sitting at a 3 on Friday and I am now hitting my Nader point in my chemo which causes that to drop more. So, if I caught a stomach flu at this point it would put me in the hospital. Now we all know how much I love staying in the hospital.....especially over spring breaks and holidays. I didn't want to make this a habit, ya know? The germx came out, mask and gloves went on, and Lysol came out. John kindly stayed in one room of the house using only one restroom in attempt to make the rest of the house safe for me. And I started to clean. Interesting how much I get done when I am not happy about something.....it's therapeutic. John is off to work today and feeling much better and I am calmer. What more can I ask for? Oh! I know! A weekend away with the family? If everything goes smooth, we are going to Moab for 2 nights to enjoy the sun and do alittle hiking. I can't wait! I need a break from this cancer and this is just the thing. Don't worry....I'll be back for chemo on Wednesday.......if you're lucky! ;)

Long time, no post...

I know it has been quite a few days since my last post. I have a good excuse for that......my fingers hurt too much to type. Lame, but true. So, here is a quick breakdown of chemo week from $%#@.
Wednesday-came home from chemo and went down hill quick. Very nausiated...
Thursday-comtinued to be very nausiated. Neuropathy beginning to set in. Only in my hands this time(praise God on that one)!
Friday-woke up with a refreshing sinus infection(that's what I thought, anyway). It continued to get worse with shooting pain behind my left eye. I called my oncologist to see if they wanted to start antibiotics and Advil sinus/cold. he said "No. Go to the ER. " "What? Really? Come on!" Apparently when you are receiving chemo and you come down with any unusual ailment.....you go to the ER. What a waisted Friday evening.... I felt absolutely silly telling them I was there for a sinus infection and shooting pain behind my eye and they looked at me like I was crazy or something. Which I am, but that's beside the point. Then we talked chemo and everything started to move quickly. After a head cat scan, eye pressure exam, blood cultures and all kinds of other blood work....I was sent home with Antibiotics for a sinus infection. Hmmmm.
Saturday-ER called to see if I would come in for a follow up. How many ER's do that? I said no. My eye pain switch to my right and my nose continued to ruuuuun! I told them I could handle that and nothing more. Hands hurt like %$#@. So, I started wearing big, fat, ugly black mittens to control the pain. Lovely.
Sunday-Nausea is gone with the help of drugs and Pregipops. Woo hoo! Hands still hurt and mittens remain on. I love these mittens.
Monday-sinus infection rages on and fingers still tingle. Oh well! Yet another chemo therapy done! That is a blessing in itself.

Yay chemo day!

Blast those tumors! Unfortunately, I lost those three pounds I worked so hard for during the session before. I guess I need to go back to the buffets for lunch......and Super Salad does NOT count. Everything else looked good including lab work. Chemo went well today! I had a nice lunch date and got my but whopped in Yahtzee! Can you believe that? She didn't let me win! And then I took a little snoozer. My cramps settled in just as quickly as normal. My hand and foot pain came early.......maybe it will end early? There is always hope. I have nose bleeds every single morning and some in the afternoon......just had one that is what made me think of it! Strangely so, I never shared this with my nurse or doctor until today. I almost considered it as a normal part of my life and not a side effect. Isn't that strange? Avastin can cause severe bleeding.....probably should have shared earlier. I got busted though. Last chemo session I wanted to go to a movie and my pump started to do it's chirping thing. It chirps LOW before the final screech. We were at Target when that started. I said, "Lets go home to disconnect this pump so it doesn't go off during the movie. " It chirped a couple more times, I disconnected it, flushed my line and disposed of my sharp then off to the movie. Today I asked my nurse how long it generally chirps before the final screech and she said about 2 hours. I told her the story and she said, " We already kinda new you disconnected early...." What? There were 4cc's left in the pump meaning at least 2 hours of infusion. They checked. Oh......ok. I guess I better be on my best behavior from now on! Signing off! Love you all!

Lifes irony

Hey! Sorry I have not posted in a few days. I have been keeping very busy trying to get some work things done, enjoying my family and friends, and playing in the sun. I feel like I have to squeeze in so much before I get chemo-drain again. This chemo thing is definitely botching my social calendar! I am not looking forward to being knocked down for five days, but it sure is easier knowing it is WORKING! Bye bye tumors!
By the way, I have to share some irony. The other day an old friend spontaneously stopped by with her two little boys. All three walked in carrying three different types of cactus's. I really enjoyed the visit and loved catching up with normal family life crap. After they left, I sat and looked at the cactus's. It was captivating! I could totally "relate" to the cactus's. What is wrong with me? I stared at those prickly, poky little things and thought how well they represented my journey. All three different sizes......one actually the size and shape of a softball.....hmmmmm. I thought to myself, "I would have a better chance killing the tumors than these cactus's!" HA! :) On each cactus there was some sort of flower blooming through the poky, spiny things. Those flowers seemed to represent......something. I am not sure. But I kept looking at them thinking how amazing they were. They bloomed so beautiful through such a treacherous landscape and all I could think was that I hope I can do the same. That's all it is really.....just landscape.

Wow! What a day!

It is simply amazing how even great news can wear you out. I woke up yesterday focused on trying to clean my house. An hour into it I actually cried realizing how much I had let it go....sorry to those who have had to be exposed to my filth. Then I trudged forth and got quite a bit done. You can come over now! ;) But where did those tears come from? I think I just finally let the news sink in and realized that I am going to live another day.....to clean my house :) which is OK to me. By 11:00 I crashed from exhaustion so I showered thinking it would rejuvenate me. Instead it relaxed me and I HAD to take a nap! When I woke up I took the kids to the Ridge to swim and I hit the therapy pool for a half hour of exercise......water aerobics here I come! I think those ladies would actually whoop all over me I am so slow and weak! grrrrrr! Just give me some more time....Today I worked some more on work stuff and did my BLS recert, then went for lunch with a friend. What a beautiful day it is! The kids came home thinking they could turn the TV on. HA! I locked them outside and told them to play. They asked with what? The dirt.......just don't dig up my tulips. I am so ready for summer!

Results Day

I went to work this morning to attempt to get caught up on all my competencies and skills fair stuff. It is always great to see everyone and I feel so accomplished today. But i am sure that is not why you are reading this right now. At 1:15 John and I went to see the doctor. The gal who checked me in was very pleased to see I gained two pounds (so was I) and that my vitals signs were all good. She then took us to our room and we sat.....and sat and while we sat I ate my lunch. Once my tummy was pleasantly full, theeee doctor poked his head in and said, "I am so backed up with patients today.....would you mind if we schedule this for two weeks out?" I said, "Nooooooooo way! Get your butt in hear!" We had a decent chuckle and then he continued to tell me that he couldn't be more pleased about the results. I said, "Really?" He said, "Really!" My smallest tumor was MIA (which is ok with me....bye!). My middle size tumor has shrunk by 55% and the sugar uptake has decreased by 75%(which means he is starving to death.....hee, hee). And the monster tumor has shrunk by 35% and the sugar uptake by 50% (not feeling sorry for him either). I am so grateful for all the prayers out there. God is great and merciful. As far as I am concerned, what has been happening in my life is nothing short of a miracle! Praise Him!

ey ey ey! the waiting game sucks

I have never considered myself an anxious person. I have never thought I could feel this way. Waiting for PET scan results have reeked havoc on my psyche.....I feel like I have a knot in my chest that can only be untied by two words, "It's working!" I meet with theeee doctor tomorrow at 1:30pm. I actually called them today thinking they could squeeze me in just so they could elevate MY anxiety........that's pretty funny since they rarely run on time for a normally scheduled appointment. Unfortunately it was not possible(imagine that). Don't worry....you will be the first to know!

Lets catch up!

As you all know, I had chemo on Wednesday and all around it went well. On Thurday I woke up with cramps in my legs so severe they went up through my hamstrings....youch! So, I said, lets go walk Red Rocks stairs and see if this will help(ambisious). My first hike up the cold air attacked my throat causing me to sit and breath through my hands to warm it up. It was a little scary since I couldn't breathe normal and I could hear a touch of strider going on....I suppose that would scare anyone in their right mind! I made it to the top and was able to do two more treks up the stairs(right along with the snails). The good news is I think it actually helped with my leg cramps and I no longer needed to walk like a grandma although my hands continued to behave like they belonged to that grandma.......Granted, I was in bed by 8pm that night. Friday I woke up with severe swelling and burning on the soles of my feet and palms of my hands. Holy cow did that hurt! Nothing seemed to help. My finger were the size of my thighs and the palms/soles were a raging red. On top of the burning they itched....not a good combo that is for sure! The pain in my toes woke me in the middle of the night several times limiting my REM. Good thing I don't get too cranky due to lack of sleep......do I?hmmmm. There were signs of improvement today. They are still red, yet less swollen unfortunately they continue to sting. On top of that I have been nauseated off and on and my mouth tastes like @#$. I knew I was truly home bound for the evening when I started my bout of chemo induced d$%rrh&*. Oh ya....I'm going there! John asked,"is this normal?" "define normal...", I said.

Burn baby burn

I know I haven't posted in a few day, but, my hands hurt really bad this round. They are swollen and red and feel like they are on fire all the time....and so are my feet! argh!!!

When my hands feel better I will give you a run down on how this chemo session went.

signing off....

chemo 5

My fingers are cramping already, so I'll do the best i can. On one hand today sucked. It was beautiful outside and I was stuck inside being infused with crap that is inevitably going to make me feel like crap. On the other hand my heart to heart with the PA and doctor went very well. They both informed me that it will be handled and they were saddened to hear these things were happening. Then they set me up with a nurse that came with flying colors! She was awesome, awesome, awesome. Not one complaint with her.....ok, one. She doesn't work everyday I am there....humf! wait...fingers cramping now....ok, I am back;). I am very tired and plan on crashing early tonight. Hands cramping ...later.

beautiful day!

Today was the very first day that I have really felt great since my last round of chemo, and what a day for it! If you didn't get outside to enjoy this weather, I am coming over to slap you! I walked Clement park, ate lunch on a patio and marched Red Rocks stairs! I move slow, but at least I was moving. I sat at the bottom for a little bit to enjoy the sun and thought, "What a contrast this very moment is to what tomorrow holds for me." I think my face is sun burned :) so, what am I grateful for? Colorado sun and Good Times frech fries! I really believe this round will go better than the last two. It couldn't be worse, could it? I beefed up on huge caloric intake and am staying well hydrated. I am SURE I put on weight this week and will try hard not to lose it. I also plan on having a heart to heart with my doctor about the extra symptoms that knocked me down and the issues in the infusion room. No more chemo spills, air bubbles and poor pump settings! Hope you all had a wonderful day as well!

PET scan

I got up at six am and took a shower. Dressed in PET scan appropriate clothing and removed all my jewelry. John and I drove down to Sky Ridge for the scan...boy was I hungry! When we got to the cancer center I banged on the door (the cancer center wasn't open yet) and they let me in. Once I signed in they took me to the back to access my port and draw some blood then to a room to start drinking my barium. Half way through the barium a tech came into the room to tell me the scanner was down and to not drink the barium.....hmmmmm. So now what? We went out to the desk to reschedule (on the verge of tears) for the 8th of March and then to have my port disconnected. Sat down in the chair and the tech came over and pulled the needle out as I took a very anxious deep breathe. The tech said, "What?" And I said....."Aren't you supposed to heparinize that first?" So, she stuck my chest with a needle again just to heparinize my port.....I came home so very irritated. And what do we do best when we are irritated? We clean.....Saige is in for a doozy when she comes home. Her room has been officially purged!