It had been a very long week.....or two......or 72.....But who's counting? Let's just focus on the last two or so. Last Monday on the 16 I started to feel funny, just not right. Know what I mean? So I called my onc and explained to them all my weird symptoms. My legs were swelling up to my knees, stomache completely bloated (I looked like I was six months prego) and a sharp pain in the middle of my sternum with deep breathes. Never mind the fact that I was pooping water out of my.....ok, tmi. They went ahead and bumped my scan up a week to Wednesday the 18th. That was fun. I worked, went for blood work somewhere in there and had my contrast hand delivered to me to start drinking. They all rock! My lab work came back on Thursday as normal but my swelling and diarrhea was getting far worse. I called on Monday and asked them to just call me about my CT results. You should have seen my knees! They were ginormous! Mind you I was working a ten hour shift this day so requesting CT results over the phone was NOT the brightest move on my part. What a doober! Three o'clock I find out all my cancer is not only growing but spreading more to lymph nodes in my abdomen....hence the #^*&!#$ swelling. It is now all the way up to my belly button! Arg!
So, I have stopped my chemotherapy and am now on a four week dry period before I can start any clinical trials. Basically they want all chemo out of your system so they know that the only thing they are studying is the drug that is being used. Symptoms that go along with all of this? Well, diarrhea of course! And nausea, vomiting, fatigue and rash. Rash? You have got to be kidding me! That is pretty damn funny. Who would like to by me my first supply of depends.....are there any Halloween stores open this time of year?
I do have some fun things planned with the kids before the chaos begins and I am looking forward to this! My girls are my shining hope and my God is my strength. Continue your prayers....I definitely need them and I can honestly say I am afraid. Love out to you all!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Oh the joy of it all!
You see, I haven't blogged for a while with good reason. Life throws you curve balls and I have been thrown a few curve balls in the past month or so. I have had a really difficult time learning to deal with these curve balls in order to make just the right decision that is required after the curve ball has been thrown. A good friend of mine did say to me that I better get ready to catch them......or duck really fast. I feel like when I duck I get clobbered in the head and when I catch them....they sting like a you know what. So, I am blogging instead. writing seems to be one of the main tasks I can do that help me process my crazy life.
One of those curve balls I am not quite ready to talk about. Too many emotions and too many people are already being impacted by it in so many ways. For this, though, I am really reaching out to you all for as many prayers as possible to give me strength and grace to face, understand and even to find some realm of forgiveness for. My life has been altered in such a way....I don't wish it on anyone. And I most certainly don't believe I deserve at this juncture. Strength and grace.....
Curve ball number two. I met with the doctors over at Anschutz for clinical trial consultation. I was so impressed by both of these doctors! They gave me so much time to go over everything from November 2009 till now. Two and a half hours....wow! Who would have thought? Towards the end of the meeting was when we went into other possible conventional treatment that they wanted to do before the first clinical trial. They suggested Erbitux and Irinotican combined for IV infusion every two weeks (if I can handle the symptoms) or every three weeks. I said no. Wait! I actually lifted my hand up, and said no way, go ahead and put that in your back pocket! Both doctors kind of tilted their heads in a questioning manner, so I explained to them that there is something very healing about quality of life and that I truly believed that this particular combo would kill me. So, they gave me a consent packet (book) for the first clinical trial they want to put me on. I will read it and get it back to them but I wanted to finish off one more round of this chemo. We all agreed. If I need to go to this treatment, I will have a four week chemo break after this next CT and then start it in the end of June. Caught that one for Sure!
I have been back to work officially part time now for a month. Although it has been amazing to be back in the groove and caring for patients again, it is also extremely exhausting to my body. I am lacking in normal muscle mass and at times feel like a winy little putz around there. I am not sure if my co-workers have noticed this yet, (they will now) I have a lot of trouble lifting the linen bags out of the holders. I look at them as thousand pound boulders! I can wrap my fingers around my biceps....what the heck??! I can push a bed or cart with a patient just fine, but when the carts need to be cleaned.....I struggle get the dumb reclining back down. How dumb is that? Otherwise, my patients have been fun and my friends at work are adorable!
That's all folks! I have to get up early to start the daily grind.....kids, school drop of, work, CT, dinner, homework and.....BED! All in a lovely day of Cyn-bad! More to come very soon....especially about my trip to Arizona! Ahhhh the pool! Blessings to you all!
One of those curve balls I am not quite ready to talk about. Too many emotions and too many people are already being impacted by it in so many ways. For this, though, I am really reaching out to you all for as many prayers as possible to give me strength and grace to face, understand and even to find some realm of forgiveness for. My life has been altered in such a way....I don't wish it on anyone. And I most certainly don't believe I deserve at this juncture. Strength and grace.....
Curve ball number two. I met with the doctors over at Anschutz for clinical trial consultation. I was so impressed by both of these doctors! They gave me so much time to go over everything from November 2009 till now. Two and a half hours....wow! Who would have thought? Towards the end of the meeting was when we went into other possible conventional treatment that they wanted to do before the first clinical trial. They suggested Erbitux and Irinotican combined for IV infusion every two weeks (if I can handle the symptoms) or every three weeks. I said no. Wait! I actually lifted my hand up, and said no way, go ahead and put that in your back pocket! Both doctors kind of tilted their heads in a questioning manner, so I explained to them that there is something very healing about quality of life and that I truly believed that this particular combo would kill me. So, they gave me a consent packet (book) for the first clinical trial they want to put me on. I will read it and get it back to them but I wanted to finish off one more round of this chemo. We all agreed. If I need to go to this treatment, I will have a four week chemo break after this next CT and then start it in the end of June. Caught that one for Sure!
I have been back to work officially part time now for a month. Although it has been amazing to be back in the groove and caring for patients again, it is also extremely exhausting to my body. I am lacking in normal muscle mass and at times feel like a winy little putz around there. I am not sure if my co-workers have noticed this yet, (they will now) I have a lot of trouble lifting the linen bags out of the holders. I look at them as thousand pound boulders! I can wrap my fingers around my biceps....what the heck??! I can push a bed or cart with a patient just fine, but when the carts need to be cleaned.....I struggle get the dumb reclining back down. How dumb is that? Otherwise, my patients have been fun and my friends at work are adorable!
That's all folks! I have to get up early to start the daily grind.....kids, school drop of, work, CT, dinner, homework and.....BED! All in a lovely day of Cyn-bad! More to come very soon....especially about my trip to Arizona! Ahhhh the pool! Blessings to you all!
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