New Year's resolution

Got up early (early for Christmas break anyway) and went to chemo. My plan was to make sure I got copies of my labs from the last chemo session unfortunately, dreading the results. With all the fevers I've been having, who wouldn't? My CBC was mostly good with a white count of 9 but hematocrit of 30. Don't worry...they won't infuse me until I hit 25, and quite frankly that made me feal like a super huro last time...Cynbad the wonder chick! My liver enzymes are a little off with ALK/PHOS at 331, Albumin at 3.3, SGOT/AST 40. Not bad considering I have a ten centimeter tumer in there! My CEA was back today as well. It came back at 67.9. Yay! Woohoo! Yippy skippy! Down from 105? Instead of dragging myself into the chemo room with my knuckles dragging on the floor I went in with a slight skip in my step! A fellow chemo colleague commented that she has never seen anyone so chipper walk into that room. This news was the best Christmas gift I have ever received.....well, second to Christ's birth of course!
The nurses there were so funny too. I have to say I just love the staff there. I always say I won't miss them over the time I don't see them....but really you do grow to really like your regulars and enjoy the social time with them. They were all noticing how great my face looked. Granted, it does look really good in comparison, but I still harbor twenty or so zits on my face with painful ones hiding in my ears and many scattered over my chest and back. I am truly convinced that my gross cancer is pouring out through my gross zits.....so keep them coming!
Hope you all had a great Christmas and that you have a wonderful New Years! BTW....who's putting colonoscopies on their New Years resolution? My resolution? To kick some cancer ass of course! Silly people.....Love you!

Christmas Eve 2010

Interestingly enough, there were a few that worried I wouldn't see Christmas 2009. I, of course, had no doubt! And I never worried that I would share Christmas with loved ones in 2010. Six to eighteen months......hmmmm. What does that mean after all? Honestly, this Christmas has been much more emotional for me. I wish I could stop time because Christmas came much too fast this year. There are more that question where I will be next Christmas. So do I. I suppose those dumb lung mets threw us all for a serious loop. Lets talk about those dumb things. They are very small. They are so small I could hack them up in a nice loogy. Yes, I said loogy! They are in both lungs but they don't effect my respiration's. They are like those annoying little nats you inhale on a good mountain bike ride. There are great facilities and oncologists out there. If the one I am with doesn't fit my needs then it will be time to move on to the next. I plan on fighting everyday to be here...for now and next Christmas. So, don't go putting you pom poms and cheer leading outfits away just yet! Have a very Merry 2010 Christmas! Peace, joy and good health to you all!

Chemo brain?

At 12:30am I woke up Sierra and she and I curled up under a blanket on the back deck to watch the lunar eclipse. Pretty cool if I do say so my self! When we got out there the moon was at a crescent, so we got to see it completely turn red. Anyone else brave the cold and lack of sleep to see this? I sure hope so!
On a health note, Saige has been fighting either a sinus infection or a cold. So, last night (because I conveniently lost our thermometer) we stopped at Walgreen's to get a new one. John picked out the temporal scanner 2000c. It only took us 15 minutes to figure out the thermometer doesn't read with the protective cover on! John checked himself 96.8, Saige 100.2, me 102.4 (what????).
I had just spent the day exchanging clothes with Sierra, going to the park with both kids and having a lovely dinner with a friend. Recheck-102.4 (what???!!). Refocus! Take care of your daughter, she feels like CRAP, and me? Just fine! Medicated my girl well, tucked her in and then snuggled. How long have I been running a temp? No idea. Maybe a one time thing? Hope so. I finally broke it out in the cold under a red moon. Awesome!
We are hanging at home so Saige can rest and heal. The Christmas break has been magical with more to come! Hope yours is as well! Merry Christmas to you all!

Priceless.....

I know I am a sap. I can't help myself. And now you all have to hear about it. If there is anything that I can teach you all through my cancer journey it is: (1)God is in control, (2)get a colonoscopy ( colon cancer is THE most preventable cancer), (3) there are really good people out there in this crazy world. Now I use the word good to encompass a lot of meanings such as sincere, big hearted, loving, generous and thoughtful. I am sure I could come up with more, but you get the idea.
I know I have cancer. I know it is in my liver and lungs. I am not in denial about this. But the past year has been such a blessing to me! I have had the joy of seeing communities come together to love on my family, dote on my children, and care for us in a way I would have never expected. I generally do not mention names in my blog for HIPPA reasons. ;-) but I have to say something. The way my friend and family have rallied is amazing, the way the Sky Ridge OR/PACU/PRE-OP staff have supported my family is awe inspiring, the way the Powderhorn community has reached out with all their love and generosity is incredible, the way the Dakota Ridge football team and parents have loved on us is humbling, the way my Rock family has blessed us is indescribable, and the way the employees at UPRR has supported my husband is wonderful. Even though I have mentioned large groups of people....I know I am missing someone. And if it you, I am truly sorry. Don't worry though, it will come to me at two o'clock in the morning permanently disrupting my sleep. Oh, see some of them are coming to me now! The NICU group at St Joe's, several prayer groups across the country, I know there are Lilly folk that are reading and praying too!
My family was treated to a limo ride tonight to see the Christmas lights. In the limo were gift bags for the girls to go through. The joy of watching them go through the gift bags was priceless and the surprise of the limo ride was......I'm a lucky girl. The lights were beautiful. spending time with my family and seeing pure joy in my girl's faces......once again, I am a lucky girl!

still here!!

I have to do a quick blog since some of you worry too much! I am still here....have not kicked the bucket yet. Don't plan on it any time soon either. I have too many fun things to do over the holidays. You will all be thrilled to hear I am down to five zits. Lets face it, I look hot now! I figure come Monday they will all be back. Or maybe not......I have been a little tired, but who isn't during the Christmas season? I went back to bed yesterday morning after the kids were off to school only to be tucked in by 7:30pm last night......aaaahhhh! I slept like a rock.
Had chemo on Monday. Plan is to do two more then a PET scan. Feeling good about this chemo. I am sure it is forcing all the cancer cells out through my skin....literally.
I am keeping this one short....I've got presents to wrap! Hope all is well with you!

They have taken over...

Oh....my....gosh! This rash (that is what they call it) is getting worse everytime I wake up! What do I call it? Seriously the worst case of acne....ever. It itches and burnes everywhere the acne is. I just want to scratch it but I was told to leave it alone. I called the doctors office and told them about the 300 zits on my face and the thousands elsewhere and asked them if this was normal. My skin is on FIRE! My nurse said yes and you have to do MASH. MASH? Moisturize, antibiotics, sunscreen, hydrocortizone. Ok.....Today would be my third day of doing the MASH. It is not working AT ALL!
Ok, I am done ranting....for today anyway. Just know that I am not contagious. ;>) On the positive note (there always needs to be one of those, right?) they have seen this raaaash in many patients, it goes away onces you stop the chemtherapy, and the people that react to vecibix in this way generally are responding well to the treatment. Meaning that a few (thousand) zits are a small price to pay for a therapy that may be destroying my tumors. Ahhhh. I'm good now. So, I will put my chapstick and mascara on and go out with a smile! It's a good thing you all loved me before I became a puss pocket! A good friend of mine suggested I should throw back to the 80's and just enjoy my youth. Spin the bottle, leg warmers, big hair.......maybe I will!

whats with the zits?

I have to say, I was having the best weekend ever! Honestly, I was having a great week. I didn't feel bad from my new chemo at all. I was even seeing some relief from the last symptoms, and let me tell you, those were getting really ugly! There are certain things you just don't blog.....so I will save you from the dirty details. Friday, hung with the family and watched a Christmas movie and then hopped in the car to go see lights. Some people are so creative! Saturday morning I went to a ladies Christmas brunch and enjoyed really great company and excellent food. Afterward, I went power Christmas shopping for the family with some girls from work. They were true experts in this arena. I am like a lost little puppy in a mall. These girls showed me how it was really done! Granted, I allowed them to push me around in a wheel chair. I think they were worried they would wear me out.......ha! I was worn out all right! I am so blessed by so many angels. I know I've said this before, but my heart has been forever touched and warmed by the generosity, friendship and love I have experienced. Sunday, I got up and went to breakfast with a friend and then off to church. After church I could hardly wait to get home. I hit a huge brick wall. The fatigue that set in was indescribable. We got home and I told the girls I needed some quiet time to nap. Then another angel showed up at my door. A friend from church noticed how tired I was and came by to take the girls so I could nap......oh, thank you, thank you. I hit my pillow and was out....like a light. John came home at three and woke me up. Holy cow! I have never slept for hours in the middle of the day like that! Guess what I woke up with? A really awesome rash! I officially have the worst case of teenage acne all over my face, neck, back and chest. Oh the days.......to be young again. Lets face it. I am vain. This really rocked my world. I have this redness along with fifty whiteheads on my face......that I can't do anything with. What did my sister say? Roll over in bed and pop, pop, pop! I can't pop them, scrape them or cover them with make up. So, instead, I bought some antler ears. They are awesome....with bells on them. Maybe it will distract you all from looking at my face.......we can only hope. It has only gotten worse with time and now it itches....grrr. I have to say, the chemo must be working if it is wreaking such havoc on my skin....right? Point to ponder.....