Had a great birthday!

I have had a really nice weekend. My body is rejecting me less and less as I grow closer to Wednesday. So I have been able to enjoy a few things this weekend. Mostly I have been enjoying food. What's up with that? I am ingesting lots and lots of food! It's almost like as soon I feel up to really eating....then I can't stop. Maybe I finally put on some poundage? So, we took the kids to see the Molly Brown House. Highly recommended. Christa and I went to hear a band at Q's........again, highly recommended. Sunday we went as a family to White Fence Farm and ate like little piggies......yup, you guessed it, highly recommended. I go in at 7:00 am for my PET scan tomorrow. So, keeping busy these past two days have really helped keep my mind off the inevitable scan. It is not like I will receive news tomorrow, but I will then spend two days knowing it is out there and known by radiologists and doctors. That sucks......I will keep you all posted!

Thank you!

A very dear friend of mine sent a birthday card and on the front it says, "With joy on every birthday, count your age by friends, not years" .......According to all the love that has been showered on me and all the prayers that are lifting me up, I am very old and very blessed! I say this with tears in my eyes because I don't think I could do this with out you. On a less sappy note today has been better. I went to the book store and bought my ten year old a book called Doctor Proctor's FART Powder which seemed so appropriate for a ten year old who is so enamored with her own flatulence. Is this all ten year olds or is mine, mmmm, special? And then I walked the mall with my hubby. It felt good to get out and move!

a little better today.

So, today was a little better, although I slept through a good portion of it. Maybe that's why? I was up till 4am dealing with abdominal pain and other yucky issues. Then at 7am the girls school called AGAIN to replay the same recording that was played after the shooting yesterday. I had less pain in my stomach today and I seem to be eating ok. This week is a little frustrating. When I expect to feel great by Monday and on Wednesday I am still struggling with symptoms....that I am not enjoying by the way, it can really piss a girl off. On the upside I am enjoying the Olympics. I love the speed skating....maybe because of Apolo. Come on girls....can't get past the fact that he is HOT and a really fast skater! (sorry sweety) Plan on going to bed early tonight so that's it for me! Have a good night all!

yucky, yucky, yucky

I have to be honest....I have not been feeling well these two days. I have been having severe digestive issues for two to three days and am dealing with abdominal cramping and pain in areas I don't apprecaite enough. That's all I have to say for tonight. Have a good one...

Oh my, what a disater!

I realize that when I am going through my extended chemo treatment......I tend to not blog as much. I am very sorry about that. But, boy do I have so much to talk about today. First of all, I had to go back to RMCC on Friday because a malfunction in my tubing connections to my 5FU pump. Apparently it sprung a leak during the night and I woke up with cytotoxic all over my chest and stomach! I was actually standing in the kitchen(surrounded by young ears) when I noticed it. And what is the first thing out of my mouth? Oh shit!!!!! So I went up stairs and washed it off, stripped my bedding and clothing to be decontaminated and then called the center. And what do you know......they wanted me to come in. I opposed this suggestion until I realized I could not repair my leak with a pantie liner....damn. So, I took my own sweet time to get there, knowing full well that they would take their own sweet time once I got there.....know what I mean? Once I saw the doc and we decided a plan of action(which was to bolus the remainder of the 5FU and then disconnect me) I mossied into the infusion center, plopped into a seat and told the nurse to finish me off and send me home. The patient across from me laughed so hard I thought she would start growing hair and said, "Care full for what you ask for!"Two hours later my tired butt rode home begging for a bed....any bed at this point.
Updates now: my brother is drinking his golytly right now and will shooting water out of his $%^ byten pm. Ha---hahaha. Ha-hahahaha. Ok, I am done laughing about that(chickle, chuckle). Please pray for a clean colon!

pucker-up baby!

It's 5:44 pm and all I want to do is go to bed. I am so tired and nauseated. My mouth tastes awful and my leg cramps leave little to be desired. One of these days I am going to take a picture of my lips when they cramp up...finding a little humor in the mist of all this craziness. So, if I see you during chemo week and I look like I am puckering up for a great big juicy kiss......I'm not ;). Have a good night!

One more down....how many to go?

So, we had a Hawaiian party today at chemo. It was great! We put up a beach scene on the wall, wore blue grass skirts, blue visors with flowers on them and blue lays. My sister actually sprayed her hair blue! Karen brought in fresh fruit and cheese and crackers which was yummy! Got a few interested (or maybe interesting) looks from all the other patients there. I am thinking all this crazy activity really threw my nurse off. One drip she set at 30cc per hour when it was supposed to be set at 300cc/hr and didn't catch it till a half hour later, then she started another drip but never opened the clamp so I was only getting normal saline for about another half hour....or more, when I looked up and notice it wasn't infusing....... so, I took the liberty to open it. Then she hooked up yet another drip when I noticed there was another large air pocket (5 inches or so) in the line. She said, "those little bubbles are OK." So I flicked it and said I am not worried about small ones....its this giant bubble going into my chest that bothers me. At least I got her attention with that and she remedied the situation. My muscles started twitching right away with the Oxaliplatin and now my legs are in a fierce charly horse. Wish you all could see this......very bizzar. I ate very well tonight, even though my mouth tastes like ground metal. March 1st is my date set up for my next PET scan. Only then will we beable to see how effective this treatment is. In the mean time I will enjoy the next 48 hours of my 5FU pump and my metal mouth!

Chemo 4 tomorrow....

I went to work today, which was very nice to feel productive and hopefully helpful again. Came home, helped Sierra with her homework, made dinner, cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen, showered Saige, did reading with her and now I sit.......surprisingly very tired tonight. Hmmmmm. But it is 6:30 and I feel I accomplished quite a bit today. Chemo tomorrow.....I mean my lunch date is tomorrow! Did you know RMCC has TV trays for you to eat from? I don't know why, but I find this funny! Let me paint a picture for you. When you walk in to the infusion center there is four sections separated by half walls(so you see everybody and they see you). Within the sections there are four recliners arranged in a circle all facing each other with side tables in between ( for nursing supplies) and then the IV poles and pumps to the right of each chair. Throw in patients and then the TV trays and you got yourself a glorified living room! I have to say I am itching to get this one done so I can get my next PET scan scheduled. I just need some confirmation that this is working......know what I mean?

My cancer boat...

What a whirl wind of a weekend! My sister had a free night in Blackhawk at Ameristar so I packed up the kids and went up there. The kids enjoyed the pool and I enjoyed the buffet! Yummy! Then we watched the opening ceremonies together......I'll keep my opinions to myself. OK, no I won't. What was up with the "song of peace" being the song from the movie Shreck? Wow! And the "boy running through the plains" enactment? Come on! Really? Nine million dollars and that's the best you could come up with? Obviously I am feeling a little spunky right now. Church was amazing.....during offering a duet was sung for me. Ok, not really for me, but it should have been! Now that was a song of peace, love and hope. Maybe you two should contact Vancouver for the closing ceremony? I do have to say I had five minutes of "feel sorry for me" time. I struggled with old dreams and trying to replace them with new dreams for our future. And then I read a book....yes a whole book and came out in the end with immense hope and ideas for my cancer boat. I am no longer floating along, I am driving!

CEA results

OK, I am sure you all are wondering about the CEA discussion. I did get a call back from the doc and here is what they are thinking. My first CEA was checked the morning of my surgery and the results were 30.5. Then I had surgery followed by five weeks of recovery and then the start of chemo. They believe that between surgery and chemo my CEA's continued to climb (unfortunately undocumented) and the most current results of 54 are more than like an improvement. "Fine" I say......"I can play along as long as they are rechecked on the 17th along with a PA 19". (yet another tumor marker that was very elevated pre surgery) Deal! From my understanding, a big surgery like a colon resection will cause an elevation in the CEA's. This would have been good information to share when they were drawn....don't you think? So....for now we have to believe this is working and those dumb tumors are melting away. In the mean time I did what all upset, pissed off mommies do.......I cleaned house! How is this therapeutic? Not sure, but it is! Today I went in to the school to help out with Valentines parties. I just love being around all the kids. They are spewing inspiration and joy which instantly warms my heart. I think I received at least a 100 hugs today, which I am flying high on! Trust me....they work better than Xanex! Have a great weekend and lots of Valentines love goes out to ya!

Very emotional day....

Emotionally I was not at my best today. First, my Mom and my Richie went home. I was very sad to see them go but at least I now know I can handle this........ only because of the wonderful support system I have here in Colorado. I then took the kids to school and Bailey to the vet to have her ear looked at again. Just so you know, Deer Creek animal clinic is amazing, wonderful, supportive and has done great work with my girl. I don't know what I would have done without them during this time. My husband then called about my CEA results. There was a misunderstanding with the values from the hospital and the values in the clinic which I only knew at this time......so I started crying. So now Dr. Kushel was caring for me during my emotional roller coaster. When I got home I called the @#$%^ center to chat with somebody about my results. I thought I had sorted out all the worries surrounding the fact that my CEA's almost doubled, but when the nurse says things like, "Oh ya, I can understand your concern......might have to change chemo regime.....and, I will have to have Dr. Jotte call you since this is not what we would like to see....." . All my fears erupted after that. AHHHHHHHH! So, I cried, said hateful things and claimed my "this is not fair!" card. I have also decided I hate the word sick, and the phrase "life is too short...". I have plans....big plans and they start today. No number is ever going to tell me I am too sick to live my life to the fullest! Love you guys!

It's Monday.....

Slightly nauseated today......bummer. But I feel like I can function and get a few things done. Maybe if I take a nice hot shower and take an anti emetic from Cynthia's pharmacy I will feel better. I can't really complain though. From here on out I should start to feel stronger and better. Not loving the snow though. Even with gloves on my hands they start to sting from the cold. Luckily I had my parents here to warm the car, clean it off and take the kids to school. I can't imagine the pain I would feel if I had to do it.....crazy! They are leaving tomorrow, please pray for their safe travel. Yesterday I took a much needed nap....seems to help with the nausea. Woke up to a cat standing on my chest staring into my face. He seems to be always standing guard......or something. Funny little cat! Since he is so concerned do you think he will go out and clean the snow off my car? It would be much more productive than standing on my chest!

Stinky, stinky

This stinks! Everything stinks! Onions stink, boot oil stinks, deodorant stinks and ginger tea stinks. Grrrr. My hands are killing me. Feels like I am jamming my fingers into a drawer of needles. Oh! And then they cramp up and that stinks! I can't wait for Monday....that is generally the day things stop stinking so bad! Then I can slip back into my happy little world of normalcy! By the way.....I found a very distinct grey hair growing out of the top of my head. I already have tumors. Wouldn't you think that would be enough to contend with? As quickly as I found it....I lost it. So if any of you find it...feel free to pull it!

Tired....just plain tired

I am so tired today. Nausia is not too bad....I think. Just really tired. I took a little nap this afternoon, however plan on going to bed shortly. Yep, that's what I am going to do. Sorry to keep it so short, but I am crashing and I have a pillow calling my name. Cyntheeeaaaa......come to me!
Good night everyone.

chemo day 3

OK, so remember the cramps I was talking about? They are back! My toes curled up and my calf's went into a nasty little charlie horse......but it also feels like I am walking on stumps cuz I can't tell where I am setting my feet down. Very weird! My fingers are cramping too...making typing yet another challenge. And at one point I swear my lips curled off to the left making it difficult to talk.......that is a problem! They drew my tumor markers today. That was a surprise, so I will have an idea if what we are doing is working. I have to say I have picked my favorite nurse as of today. Unfortunately I didn't get her for this treatment. I felt my nurse today was sloppy. That is not a comforting feeling. Mental note: do not nap in the care of this nurse. Granted she was very nice.....just sloppy. Oh! I can't drink room temperature drinks! They actually have to be warmed up! What the heck! Last night I had an ice cream bar and it was fine! Today I can only eat and drink warmed things. Crazy how fast they set in today. Here goes four yucky days and then I should start turning around on Monday. I will keep you posted. If any of you have this urgent need to come over and massage my charlie horses....have at it! A good friend stopped by today and braught lunch....very yummy! Chemo days are turning into lunch dates....nice ring to it huh? Lunch Date.....with extra hydration! yah that's it. Have a great weekend!

Still here!

I know I haven't posted in a few days......I guess I was too busy playing! I have really enjoyed getting some things done, enjoying the outdoors, and relaxing at Starbucks with a yummy chai tea.....made with whole milk of course. My appetite has been great resulting in a four pound weight gain! This news has pleased everyone. I went to work today. It is so nice to actually feel productive and hopefully helpful. Had a great day that's for sure. My first patient was actually a colon resection.....I had a good giggle over that one. At least I new how to take care of him....first hand experience! Tomorrow is chemo day so I packed my chemo bag and organized my pill box......sobering but not defeating. Feel the chemo melt the tumors away. Melt away....melt away.....melt away......