In the arms of Jesus

After a journey fought with passion and grace, Cynthia has arrived in the loving arms of Jesus. She passed,as she lived, surrounded by her family and friends on Thursday morning.

Cynthia wanted for all of her family and friends to gather to celebrate her life and the influence that she had on every person that she met. Information for the celebration is below:

Monday July 25th, 2011

11AM - 12PM ~ Visitation and share stories

12PM - 1PM ~ Memorial service

Luncheon to follow

The Rock of Southwest Church

10393 W. Alamo Place

Littleton, Colorado 80127

Google Maps Hyperlink:

http://maps.google.com/maps?daddr=10393+West+Alamo+Place,+Littleton,+CO+80127-2002&hl=en&cid=0,0,13013622230095541888&fb=1&gl=us&geocode=17684064813999068537,39.613453,-105.115617&z=16

Truley a debbie downer..

Well, I finely met with the doctors over at University to get everything rolling. The doctor said there at least 30 clinical trials to choose from and since I am still having some diarrhea he wanted to look at some others. Then my blood work came back.......it is showing liver dysfunction and because all of these trials need to be metabolized by the liver, I can not do any of the them but one. That one did not sound entirely promising. I will start this in 2 weeks and we will just have to pray alittle harder. In the meen time I am going to lay down and close my eyes and rest.

Crap!

It had been a very long week.....or two......or 72.....But who's counting? Let's just focus on the last two or so. Last Monday on the 16 I started to feel funny, just not right. Know what I mean? So I called my onc and explained to them all my weird symptoms. My legs were swelling up to my knees, stomache completely bloated (I looked like I was six months prego) and a sharp pain in the middle of my sternum with deep breathes. Never mind the fact that I was pooping water out of my.....ok, tmi. They went ahead and bumped my scan up a week to Wednesday the 18th. That was fun. I worked, went for blood work somewhere in there and had my contrast hand delivered to me to start drinking. They all rock! My lab work came back on Thursday as normal but my swelling and diarrhea was getting far worse. I called on Monday and asked them to just call me about my CT results. You should have seen my knees! They were ginormous! Mind you I was working a ten hour shift this day so requesting CT results over the phone was NOT the brightest move on my part. What a doober! Three o'clock I find out all my cancer is not only growing but spreading more to lymph nodes in my abdomen....hence the #^*&!#$ swelling. It is now all the way up to my belly button! Arg!
So, I have stopped my chemotherapy and am now on a four week dry period before I can start any clinical trials. Basically they want all chemo out of your system so they know that the only thing they are studying is the drug that is being used. Symptoms that go along with all of this? Well, diarrhea of course! And nausea, vomiting, fatigue and rash. Rash? You have got to be kidding me! That is pretty damn funny. Who would like to by me my first supply of depends.....are there any Halloween stores open this time of year?
I do have some fun things planned with the kids before the chaos begins and I am looking forward to this! My girls are my shining hope and my God is my strength. Continue your prayers....I definitely need them and I can honestly say I am afraid. Love out to you all!

Oh the joy of it all!

You see, I haven't blogged for a while with good reason. Life throws you curve balls and I have been thrown a few curve balls in the past month or so. I have had a really difficult time learning to deal with these curve balls in order to make just the right decision that is required after the curve ball has been thrown. A good friend of mine did say to me that I better get ready to catch them......or duck really fast. I feel like when I duck I get clobbered in the head and when I catch them....they sting like a you know what. So, I am blogging instead. writing seems to be one of the main tasks I can do that help me process my crazy life.
One of those curve balls I am not quite ready to talk about. Too many emotions and too many people are already being impacted by it in so many ways. For this, though, I am really reaching out to you all for as many prayers as possible to give me strength and grace to face, understand and even to find some realm of forgiveness for. My life has been altered in such a way....I don't wish it on anyone. And I most certainly don't believe I deserve at this juncture. Strength and grace.....
Curve ball number two. I met with the doctors over at Anschutz for clinical trial consultation. I was so impressed by both of these doctors! They gave me so much time to go over everything from November 2009 till now. Two and a half hours....wow! Who would have thought? Towards the end of the meeting was when we went into other possible conventional treatment that they wanted to do before the first clinical trial. They suggested Erbitux and Irinotican combined for IV infusion every two weeks (if I can handle the symptoms) or every three weeks. I said no. Wait! I actually lifted my hand up, and said no way, go ahead and put that in your back pocket! Both doctors kind of tilted their heads in a questioning manner, so I explained to them that there is something very healing about quality of life and that I truly believed that this particular combo would kill me. So, they gave me a consent packet (book) for the first clinical trial they want to put me on. I will read it and get it back to them but I wanted to finish off one more round of this chemo. We all agreed. If I need to go to this treatment, I will have a four week chemo break after this next CT and then start it in the end of June. Caught that one for Sure!
I have been back to work officially part time now for a month. Although it has been amazing to be back in the groove and caring for patients again, it is also extremely exhausting to my body. I am lacking in normal muscle mass and at times feel like a winy little putz around there. I am not sure if my co-workers have noticed this yet, (they will now) I have a lot of trouble lifting the linen bags out of the holders. I look at them as thousand pound boulders! I can wrap my fingers around my biceps....what the heck??! I can push a bed or cart with a patient just fine, but when the carts need to be cleaned.....I struggle get the dumb reclining back down. How dumb is that? Otherwise, my patients have been fun and my friends at work are adorable!
That's all folks! I have to get up early to start the daily grind.....kids, school drop of, work, CT, dinner, homework and.....BED! All in a lovely day of Cyn-bad! More to come very soon....especially about my trip to Arizona! Ahhhh the pool! Blessings to you all!

Still fighting

This is probably the longest I have gone without blogging. Sorry guys! I guess the most important thing you want to know is the results on my CT scan. Well, that's gonna have to wait! Lets see. I have been working a bit more. that has been really nice. It is always good to feel productive. I've been really busy hanging with my girls. That is always fun! The other day it was nice enough out that we were able to go to the barn and visit the horses. We brought a bag of carrots with us and made our rounds. I felt like every horse I went by, reached out his head to me in a sort of hug. Can horses hug? These can. We then went to see Gnomio and Juliet. Very cute movie. Much cuter than I expected that is for sure!
Today I am pretty tired. For good reason I suppose. Monday was cat scan day and then lunch with one of my fellow cancer survivors. Tuesday, I went to work.Wednesday I had chemo, which was supposed to start at 10:45 but was bumped to 1:00pm that morning. I had to drop off my car to have it serviced, picked it up after chemo and went straight to my Bible study. Thursday I went to work and then Friday the kids had their testing at school and then we ran around and enjoyed the day. So, today, I am tired. I did manage to take the kids to the ridge to swim and then to Aunt Anna's to wrap up polish roses. I will be going to bed as soon as the Easter Bunny makes her appearance.
So, about my CT scan. My doctor says that my liver tumor is "perfectly stable", there is no new growth anywhere, although a few of my lung spots grew maybe a millimeter in size. Can we get a hip hip hurray?!!! We are continuing the same chemo, sending off a chunk of my liver biopsy to have it tested for another specific chemo treatment and he has referred me out to another oncologist at the University to discuss clinical trials. That is the plan. Except for being tired today, I have felt really great! My side effects are minimal, sleeping pretty good and eating great! What more can you ask for? God bless you all!

quick up date

Hope everyone had a great spring break! We really did! I took the kids to Glennwood Springs and hung out with friends, enjoyed girl time and some quiet time as well. We had one day where the weather broke, so we took the kids up the tram to the caverns. While we were up there, we did some rock climbing (yes, me too), watched 4D movies, cave tour and the alpine slide. I was like a kid of all kids. Every time we got back to the top of the slide I would ask Mrs. Houston if I could do it again. I would take turns taking the kids down. The goal was to make it down to the bottom without touching the breaks. It was awesome! I laughed so hard I was crying and the girls squealed, "Mrs. Curro! You are crazy!" I came home physically exhausted but emotionally rested. The rest of the week we filled with simple outings, pottery painting, sleep overs and movies. Chemo on Thursday went smooth as silk and I feel GREAT! I have been having severe night sweats (2-3 an night), fevers, gas and uncontrollable diarrhea for weeks now. Good news is, I haven't had any of that since Saturday! What a miracle......they do come in all kinds of packaging! More later....love out to you all!

quick update...

I have about 15 minutes to post this blog. It has been a long time since I blogged and I know many of you worry when it goes too long. I am grateful for this. First of all, my trip to Indianapolis was too fast. I met my sisters friends, ate good food and watched some great soccer games! I had an amazing time and it was all too short. Pat McGroin is as funny in person as he is on the blog and Christa's passe of girls are as sweet as ever! I can't wait to see you all again so when I have some dates set for the summer...save them!
I came home very tired yet content with my mini vacation. Spent some time getting rest, caught up around the house and taking care of major GI issues. I believe I have gotten this under control with meds, probiotics and dietary changes.
This past week has been pretty rough. I am emotionally exhausted and drained. I am actually leaving today to go to Glenwood Springs for a mental vacation from all the stress. I will be spending time with friends, playing with the kids and getting some quiet time to reflect and pray for guidance. Life is complicated enough....throw in cancer and family dynamics....you have a pitiful Farside. Keep us all in your prayers and lots of love out to you all!

cat scans in!

I know I needed to do this much sooner, but to sit down to a computer much less sit down at all has been hard for me today! I got my results from my lovely cat scan yesterday and was very pleased to hear my news. It basically showed that in the past eight weeks my tumors have not grown, changed, moved, spread.......nothing! My CEA's went up a bit, hopefully showing cell lysis (death) specifically from the tumor. I know we would all love to hear that there has been shrinkage and tumor death all over.....but let's recap. We haven't really heard any good news since August! So, yes! I am enjoying this news quite a bit! I suffered from quite a bit of diarrhea threw the last round of treatment and assume that this next one will cause the same if not worse forcing me into adult depends to leave the house. So, there is a new drug added to the others called Octreotide. This medication needs to be given by injection into whatever fat pocket I can find......this should be a fun treasure hunt! And the answer (regarding anything about this medication!) I could get from the pharmacist was a hearty, "I don't know. You are the first person I have ever had to order it for." Shouldn't I get my money back for that? Oh! And the years of education that went into that guy!
Well, I have to say one thing clear. I have realized that when people ask how I am feeling, it is not always regarding my physical state. I guess I don't think about my mental state much until I feel the emotions swell in me. So, honestly, yesterday I felt I was drowning in dread before I went to see my onc and after a trusty xanex and a great cup of tea I was able to mellow my anxiety. I am certain that the multitude of prayers helped as well! I am so grateful for these and all the well wishes and concerned calls. The weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend so get out and enjoy it! I will be in Indiana for a quick visit with sister, niece, mom and Richy. I will have the opportunity to meet all the friends that have lifted my sister during the past 15 months. Oh! And YES jealous girls! I will finally meet Pat Mcgroin! No, you can not fit into my suitcase. Hee! Hee! Hee! Love you all!

Wow! that's it, wow!

I am not sure if I will be able to word this well with so many emotions wrapped up in it. Multiple women, some being long time friends and some I met for the first time, came together to create the most amazing fund raiser for myself and my family. I can not tell you what was raised last night since I have not been privy to that information until it is all done, but I can tell you that even if no monetary funds were raised, my spirits sure were! I am amazed everyday by the outpouring of love I continue to received. I arrived at the fundraiser and quickly notice how full the parking lot was. It took my breathe away and forced me to remain in my car till I could regain full control of my emotions. When I walked in, I was overtaken by awe when I realized how much work went into this and it was all accomplished in less than three weeks!
Tomorrow I will receive news on my cat scan and the decision will be made on whether or not I will continue with this current treatment. Unfortunately, after much research, I have come to the harsh realization that we are nearing the end of chemotherapy treatments. If this one is not showing improvements (which I can not imagine that it would not!) I will be discussing alternative treatment. Whether it is immunotherapy, macro beads, proton therapy or vaccine treatment, I don't know. What I do know is all of these require travel and can be very expensive becoming a financial burden on my family. My point is, the fund raiser couldn't have come at a better time!
Let's all regroup for a second. Everyone continues to ask me how I am feeling followed by a "really". Yes, I have lost a lot of weight, my energy is not what it was 15 months ago, and if I am not barfing all my hard earned nutrition out, I am having constant daily diarrhea. I know, way too much information! I have tried to protect ya'll from this......cats out. Besides all that garbage, I feel really good! I do not feel like I have cancer in my lungs at all and the tumor must be positioned just perfect not to be pushing on my liver capsule, which would cause a great deal of pain. These two things alone are God! I am uplifted everyday by friends and family and filled with joy by all the love I have felt. Unless I am actively pooping or barfing......I am not going to complain. Now I have to go. Bailey (my lovely dog) just barfed three times and I have to clean it up. Can we say, "Ewww!" Love out to you all!

Very happy birthday to me!

Can I tell you? February 28th is my birthday and I turned 39.......a young 39 just so you know. This February of 2011 was theeee best birthday month of my life! I feel like I got to celebrate all month long. It started out with a spa night with a massage that my girls from my small group put together. Lunch with close girlfriends. Then my husband took me out to the Chop House for an amazing dinner! My twin came into town so we could celebrate together. We met up with 21 super cool friends at the Chop House for appetizers and drinks and then took over the last open section at Sing Sing to dance the night away. Nothing better than getting on stage and dancing the hokey poky....shaking your booty for the crowd. Only....I don't have a booty anymore! We had such a great time. The next day we took the kids to White Fence Farm and pigged out on fried chicken. All is good! I even put on 3 pounds over that weekend! On Monday, Christa and I went to get pedicures, have lunch at Tai bistro, and go see the Kings Speech. If you haven't seen it yet, go! I am telling you, this has been the best birthday of my life! God even surprised me with spring like weather so I could get outside. That warm Colorado sun is some good medicine! Something we all need. I enjoyed some time at Clement park and Red Rocks. Both very beautiful days!
I have continued taking my xeloda (chemo pills) and dealing with, ummmm, really fun side effects from that. I had my cat scan on Thursday morning and will find out the results of that on Wednesday. Other than that, I don't have much to tell. I feel good, my appetite is back up and my energy seems back to the new norm too. Honestly, I just took a much needed cancer vacation. It can be easy when you don't feel a queen and her passe hanging out in my liver and lungs. I think they are gone. There! Hope you all get a chance to take a mini vacation from your own harsh realities of life.....it is very therapeutic! Love you all!

Oh Boy!

After a jam packed morning with Bible study and a nice impromptu birthday lunch, I came home to take a nap. I wasn't truly quite tired but I wanted to rest before my birthday dinner with my husband. I walked into my house and about fell over. "No, no, no, no! This is not happening!" I kept saying this as I continued to inspect the rest of the house. "No, no, no!!!" My sweet, loving, beautiful chocolate lab had accomplish what no other dog has. There was diarrhea EVERYWHERE! All through the living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. By God's grace, she did not make it up the stairs.......yet. After opening all the windows (thank God again it wasn't snowing outside) I began the prep work so that when John got home he could clean it up. Pull out the carpet cleaner, set pots of water to boil, bucket, pail and sponge, and the big gun......bleach. Is it ok to use bleach in a carpet cleaner on carpet? Hmmmm. I don't care....love that bleach. Most of you know, because of the chemo, I am not supposed to handle animal feces. Hence, leaving the dirty job to him. Luckily, I already have a vet appointment for her at 10 tomorrow.
Then we got gussied up, Anna came over to watch the kids and we went out to dinner. John had made reservations "somewhere" for my birthday. I was looking forward to a nice dinner, yummy food, in an adult environment. John pulled up to the restaurant and all I could do was giggle. The Chop House? Are you serious? Cliff note: my twin is coming into town and a bunch of my girls are meeting us at the Chop House on Saturday for appetizers and drinks. Granted, I was not going to pass up a full meal there. It was amazing! I ate till I looked 3 months pregnant! I came home really tired but now I can't sleep. So, I figure it was a good time to get caught up on emails only to find one addressed from one of the kids teachers. Oh Boy! Witnessed behavior so bad that she lost recess, lunch in the lunch room and was sentenced to community service. Oh! How interesting this has made my morning! Somebody is going to get it........I have to pray that the right words will flow from my mouth to demonstrate my disappointment and encourage behavioral improvement. Now, I am really tired. I'm going to bed. Good night all!

sweet memories!

It is yet another beautiful Colorado morning although it is supposed to rain this afternoon and then snow for the next 17. Go figure! I had such a horrible night of sleep thanks to my neuropathy in my feet. Not so sure what got them all fired up last night.......but it sucked, I tell you! I usually sleep with socks on because of the neuropathy but last night I couldn't stand to have anything touching them.....very weird!
As the mean mom, I made the girls clean their rooms yesterday. For their reward they got to get together with a friend and have a sleep over. Sierra went out for hers and Saige had her guest here. These girls played horse's all evening. Do you remember the old school horses? I played with these when I was a kid! I loved them and love to see two little girls (in such a techy world) play with them for hours. What imagination! Saige has eighteen of these horses. Some of them bought for her and others handed down from daddy. What memories! I remember going to my Aunt's house when she lived on the river. In the toy bin she kept for us was one of these horses. My favorite toy there....good memory. Well, on that note maybe I can catch a nap and dream about some of these memories....yay!

memories

On my mantel is my collection of memories. Memories of babies being born, children growing up, weddings, camping trips, hiking 14ers, playing in creeks. I could go on and on. I generally take these down for Christmas decorating and then place them back up there after the new year. Well, if you think I am a slacker in the blog world, you will be happy to know that I just pulled those out yesterday and placed them back up on the mantel. Then I cried. How is it that there is a picture of me on a huge boulder of Mount Holy Cross and three months later I am in the hospital, diagnosed with cancer, fighting for my life, 20 pounds lighter with muscle atrophy? I have to be honest with you all. I really miss that strong, healthy body. Don't get me wrong. I am very blessed with the health I have. I am grateful for every chance I get to be out enjoying friends and family. And on most days I am very accepting of the symptoms I deal with on a daily basis. It's just a new way of living and I work around it, right? I mean, lets face it. I haven't blogged in ten days. And I know it tends to worry you, but I was really out enjoying life....and isn't that better than sitting here focused on cancer?
I don't have a lot to report. I have chemo on Wednesday again. They will infuse the Oxolyplatin and then I will go on the fourteen day regimen of Xeloda. After the full treatment there should be a CT. I have been feeling mostly good. Appetite has been off and neuropathy is.......I'm ready for summer. Other than that, energy is good. I hope you all have a happy Valentines Day! I plan on eating cake!

busy, busy, busy!

Ok. I know. One day you find out I have my own class room of kindergartners in my lungs and the I just fall off the face of the earth! Not a very good friend, am I? Well, quick synopsis of what has happened since then:
Chemo on Tuesday, up with Saige at 3 am with barfing and stomach pain Wednesday morning, positive strep test done by 8 am and in my ACLS class by 10 am. I was picked up for ACLS on Thursday and very much appreciated the ride home.....I was so very tired by this point. Friday I got up and took the kids to school only to return to my bed and sleep the day away. Got up at 2 pm and by three started to demonstrate chemo side effects that drained me of any hydration left in my body........in a very, very wrong way. By 6 pm I sucked it up and went for fluids at the urgent care unit. I spunked up slowly on Saturday and was able to get the kids out of the house by 2 pm to go to the book store and then get something to eat. WOW! What a week! Hence the reason I didn't have the time to blog. Forgive me? I'm a busy girl!
I worked on Monday and then the freeze came in. Schools closed for two days now and the kids are stir crazy. Calgon! Take me away! Hope you are all staying warm!

Crap!

Well, this most certainly ranks right up there as one of the suckiest days ever! That is of course minus the company, Pho, and cinnabon! Yup. It sucks. Not sure if that is strong enough of a word to describe it. I am sure you all can be much more creative and donate some better adjectives. Let's see. My CT results sucked. My tumor in my liver went from a 10 cm tumor to a 12 cm tumor. You know, he is getting to the point that I will not be able to find shoes for. My lung tumors? We lost count at 18 "suspicious" marble shaped things. I swear I am living in the twilight zone! So, no chemo today. We are starting a new/old treatment tomorrow. You guessed it! I am starting oxolyplatin as my infusion and Xeloda as an oral chemo. Oh yes, you guessed it again! You all get to hear all about my hands and feet again! Lucky dogs......He wanted to start it on Wednesday. I told him Wednesday would be difficult since I have ACLS......would you be willing to start it tomorrow? Sure. So, here we go gang! As Dorry would say.......just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I'm gonna go eat something cold....because I can! Love you all!

no, I did not go missing ;-)

I my gosh! It has been forever since I have blogged! I didn't realize until someone pointed it out to me......so sorry! Since that blog I have had chemo, which once again, really isn't too bad. my back pain has mostly resolved....thank God! I got a doctors release to actually get a massage. They wouldn't do it in case they actually spread the cancer by rubbing my back....HA! Give a break! Really! I am more worried about the lotion they use on my poor, sensitive skin. My sister and niece came out to visit. Very fun! We all had a great time! I will confide in one moment that was very difficult for me. My niece had mentioned she had a pretty formal eighth grade graduation ceremony in the spring. So I suggested, for fun, to all take her to a dress shop and have her try on dresses so that she (and her mother) could get an idea of what would work for this big shin-dig. After dress number 25 it hit me that I may not be here to take my own girls shopping like this. Ouch! Did this hurt! I actually had to leave the dress shop to regain composure.
So, here is the deal. I am meeting with a woman from Texas on Friday to discuss what she calls "cherry picking" our care. She is a twelve year survivor of stage four colon cancer and has basically directed her own care through mets to liver, lungs, and brain. I receive my CT scan results on Monday and begin a new phase of planning.
In the mean time I did my PALS class this week and ACLS next week and schedule my first couple of shifts the week after. I am excited to get back to work. Call me crazy! Know that you are all such blessing to me! God bless you all!

Happy New Year 2011!

I know....I'm slacking. As a family we spent a couple of days in a hotel before New Years. Had a great dinner at Nono's, the kids enjoyed the pool and I enjoyed not having to clean up after everyone. I just want some sweet little lady to come in daily to make my bed.....that would be nice! We then went up to Glenwood Springs for the weekend. The kids had a blast running, playing games, going sledding and eating ice cream every night. Lucky Dogs! I absolutely enjoyed the company, food and trip to the hot springs. I even enjoyed getting our (girls against the boys) tooshies handed to us on a platter during our Trivia pursuit game. Haven't laughed that hard in a very long time!
We returned from Glenwood Sunday night and used the next two days to get ready for school to start. The girls were pretty excited to get back to school to see their teachers and friends. I was ready for some down time. My lower back has been killing me and my body needed some extra sleep. I took advantage of nap time and heated up my teddy bear to put on my back. It has been really bothering me since Sunday and I don't quite know why. It has actually taken all week to get Christmas decorations packed up. Pathetic.
So here is the plan....I think I will receive two or three more treatments and then a PET scan. That's it! Cancer news is not so exciting. Still have mild rash on my face and chest and I battle fatigue all over my body. Other than that, this is a piece of cake! Better news, I am doing my ACLS and PALS at the end of this month and then back to work! I am looking forward to seeing my girls and boy and caring for others in a way you all have cared for me. Hope you all had a great New Year! Love out to you all!